Carol Schulte

Get your /BRĀV/ on

Happy Friday

Platinum Is The New Black.

by 2 Comments

Happy Friday! (and happy Black Fri-YAY to boot for those choosing to partake!) 

I don’t have any special discounts, super deals, or BOGO offers for you today. (#sorrynotsorry!) And let’s be honest, you’re likely already bursting at the seams with deals galore of stuff you just don’t need. 

What I DO have for you today, however, is worth far more than any crazy Black Friday savings imaginable.

It’s called The Platinum Rule. 

And I was reminded of just how powerful this rule is while reading and editing my friend and fellow speaker, Jessica Pettit’s book: Good Enough Now. (It’s about to go into its second edition printing, and it’s an amazing read! So stay tuned… I’ll be sure to keep you posted as to when it’s available for the public!) 

Now perhaps you’re familiar with the Golden Rule, which states:

“Do unto others as you would like done unto you.” 

While this rule sounds good in theory, it doesn’t actually make a lot of sense.

Why?

Because what you like, how you work, and the things that make you tick, are going to be different than for me. 

So if I want to show you I care, give you the time and attention you deserve, and treat you with respect, then it doesn’t make sense to do unto you as I would like you to do unto me, now does it?!? 

Enter in, The Platinum Rule, which states:

“Do unto others as THEY would like done unto them.”

Now that makes way more sense if you think about it! It’s not about how WE want to be treated, it’s about how THEY want to be treated…

Now luckily, we are all different – as this is one of the things that keeps life exciting!

And yet if our default is to treat others the way we’d like to be treated, sometimes we may fall short.

While the intention no doubt comes from the right place, sometimes it may not land as we’d expect. And that’s because we are not considering The Platinum Rule.

(If you’d like to learn more about it, check out Dave Kerpen’s book, The Art of People.)

It’s one of the reasons I love and follow the Five Love Languages (another great read by Gary Chapman… you can also learn more or take the quiz HERE.) It was a game changer when I first came across it while studying Interpersonal Communication at University many moons ago – and still refer to it on a regular basis today.

The idea here is that each of us has one or two prominent love languages – and we most often GIVE love the way we’d like to RECEIVE love. Again, makes sense. However chances are our partner (or friend, or family member, or colleague…) has a different dominant love language than we do. And so you can only imagine how in relationships, all too often there is love expressed which does not equate to love felt – simply because people are not speaking the same language!

It really does come back The Platinum Rule.

We really need to consider the other person before ourselves. Especially if we want to reach them, meaningfully connect with them, and have our intentions land as they were, well, intended.

So as we begin to approach the excitement (and craziness!) of the holiday season, let’s be mindful of the power of The Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as THEY would like done unto them.”

Here are three ways you can put this rule into practice in the coming weeks:

  1. Create a list of the special people in your life you are planning on giving some type of gift to – be it homemade, store bought, or an experience. Then take a moment to think about what makes them tick. Think about what they would truly appreciate. Often we assume we need to spoil those we love with fancy gifts… NOT the case! I have some friends in my life who would much prefer a deep conversation over a nice meal or a glass of wine than a cashmere scarf. 
  1. Commit to learning something new about someone in your life – whether a coworker or an acquaintance – every day for 5 days. I bet there are people you see almost daily, and yet don’t know their favourite colour, their guilty pleasure, or their go-to chocolate bar! Get curious, and your relationships will reach whole new levels. 
  1. Choose to take on the idea ‘There are no such things as strangers, only friends you haven’t met.’ And in this way, be the first to acknowledge, to say hello to, and to see the people you come into contact with on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s the barista who makes you your coffee, the person you share an elevator with, your uber driver. People are FASCINATING. And when you actually take a moment to truly see them, to ask them something about themselves, to listen to their story, you will make their day and yours. 

I guarantee you – far more powerful than any deal you will ever steal online or in store, is the ability to truly connect with the people in your life. Friends, family, and strangers alike. 

And isn’t that what this time of year is all about?!?

I hope you take on one of these ideas above… and I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below!

 

I Never Thought I’d Be Here.

by 6 Comments

these photos were taken less than 9 hours apart… 

Happy Friday!

Yes, it’s been a big week.

And instead of explaining why and how and what all happened, I’m going to get my own brave on and simply share the script I wrote the day before going on stage at Grand Slam… it kinda of explains it all.

(Warning: I’m gonna get pretty darn vulnerable here…!!!)

I Never Thought I’d Be Here.

 

What are you afraid of?

When I was in theatre school, they had us do this exercise where we had to trigger our deepest fear in order to evoke emotion and tears.The idea being we’d learn to cry at the drop of a hat.

And mine was always the same. Ever since I was little, my deepest fear was losing my Mum.

See, my Mum was my person. She saw me, she got me.

And then she got sick.

Like, really sick.
Like, lose your hair from chemo sick.
Like, skeleton sick.

And then, my deepest fear became my reality.

I lost My Mum.

And then I lost me.

And so, I went on a mad search to find me again.

I checked in Chiang Mai, volunteering at an orphanage for HIV babies and children.
I combed through Calcutta, spending time at Mother Teresa’s Home for The Dying.
I rummaged around Rishikesh, living in an Ashram to study intense yoga and meditation.

I shaved my head for breast cancer research.

I spend 3 months picking apples in New Zealand. (…I may have met a man, and moved into his van!)

But was I being brave?
No.

I was running, I was hiding, I was escaping.
I wasn’t conquering ANYTHING.

As long as we’re trying to conquer our fear, it’s actually our fear that’s conquering us. 

I’ve come to discover our fears are like the whac-a-mole game I used to play at Chuck e Cheese… as soon as you smash one down, another one pops on up.

And that’s what happened to me.

My fear of losing my Mum, losing the one person who got me, came true.
But I never conquered it.

Instead, it became my fear of never being able to become a Mom myself – to be that that person for my child one day the way she was for me.

And that’s when I discovered something fascinating about fear.

When you flip it over, if you look carefully enough, what you find is desire.
And the deeper the fear, the greater the desire.

Which brings me to my next question:

Have you ever given yourself a subcutaneous injection?!? It’s when you pinch your skin, and you plunge a 1.5-inch needle all the way in, and then slowly squeeze the syringe until there’s no liquid left.

I did this to myself for the first time on Nov. 9th.

It was not fun.

And over the past 11 days, I’ve done it 24 more times, injecting 5 different types of drugs into my belly and upper thighs, popped a whole bunch of pills, and rubbed hormonal gel onto my shoulders every night before bed.

For one reason only.

I want babies.
And I don’t have any.
And I’m single.
And I’m 38.

Which means it’s egg freezing time!
Which starts with egg harvesting.
Which happens when they say go time.

And so, at 10:30 this morning, I was in a hospital gown, knocked out under twilight anaesthetic, for retrieval surgery. (And you know what’s kind of crazy, I still don’t totally know what went down in there… but it involved the longest needle I’ve ever seen in my entire life, a whole lotta pain and discomfort, and them sucking up all of the liquid from each of my follicles, hoping to find some treasure inside.)

And now, after 5 months of no coffee, no alcohol, no highlighting of my hair, no doing of my nails, I’m happy to report I have 9 tiny eggs, comfortably chilling in a freezer down the street.

I never thought I’d be here.

I could’ve spent so much time and energy trying to ‘conquer’ my fear… but that would have been futile.

Because they’re not going anywhere.

So instead of being ashamed of fear, afraid of fear… be brave enough to feel it, to face it, to embrace it… and then to expose it.

Because only then will you see your fears and desires are actually two sides of the same coin.

And it’s far more powerful to be pulled by your desires than be paralysed by your fears.

So I could be the person have been sitting in that sterile waiting room, avoiding eye contact with anyone at all costs, or I can take selfies with the nurses at the clinic (and I have some great ones, let me tell you) I can shamelessly ask you to send any cute, kind, eligible bachelors my way, and I can bravely stand here totally crampy, totally bloated, and totally exposed.

And I am.

Because when I look at my deepest fears, all I now see are my greatest desires.

And the same it possible for you.

So, what are you afraid of?

THANK YOU.

 

And so now I ask you… what are you afraid of? And will you be able to look close enough to see what lies underneath that fear is actually what you desire? I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below.

It’s time to push past the procrastination and self-sabotage.

by 2 Comments

Happy Friday!

I’m going to get real with you today… it’s been one of those days, one of those weeks! 

I mean, it’s lots of good stuff ~ some very exciting things happening, some very unexpected things happening ~ but as a result I’ve been running around like a bit of a crazy chicken and can’t quite seem to catch my breath!

I just got off of a call with my ADHD coach (yup, I said it! I was formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist 10 months ago now… although not sure how open with you I’ve been about it all?!? Well I have it, and can certainly see how it manifests in my life… and so I’m now working with a coach to implement strategies to help make up for my lack of executive functioning capabilities!) And he challenged me to take a different approach to this week’s Happy Friday. It’s after 6pm on Friday, and I was challenged to be complete by 7pm, so I could make time for my first proper meal of the day, and have a relaxing evening. 

SO, I’m taking that one, and going to simply share what I posted this morning on facebook, which explains a bit about where I’m at!

“So the Facebook prompt is always: What’s On Your Mind?

Well, glad you asked! Here’s what is currently on my mind…

I haven’t been sleeping well this week! I’m waking up way before my alarm – like 5am or 6am – which is ridiculously early for me. (Now I know for many of you this may be normal – but not this girl! I’m a natural night owl… anytime before midnight and I’m winning 🤣!)

Why? I’m both totally excited AND totally anxious…

😃 I’m excited because I have the honour of now being one of the speakers competing in the Grand Slam!

😳 I’m anxious because I have the honour of now being one of the speakers competing in the Grand Slam! (and… because I was a last minute addition after one of the participants had to withdraw from the event, and chose me to replace him, I haven’t even finished writing my speech!)

 

😃 I’m excited because I have an opportunity to inspire and impact 600 people at the event – and maybe even more beyond.

😳 I’m anxious because I have an opportunity to inspire and impact 600 people at the event – and maybe even more beyond.

 

😃 I’m excited because there are some incredible prizes at stake… I mean speaking on the Archangel Stage next year?!? WHAT?!? And being on Goal Cast? Yes please! And those are only a few…

😳 I’m anxious because there are some incredible prizes at stake… I mean speaking on the Archangel Stage next year?!? WHAT?!? And being on Goal Cast? Yes please! And those are only a few…

 

😃 I’m excited because I get to share the stage with some incredibly inspiring people.

😘 I’m anxious because I get to share the stage with (and therefore compete against) some incredibly inspiring people.

and I could go on…

Now it makes sense physiologically… excitement and anxiety actually produce the same reactions in the brain and the body – they are both aroused emotions. (look up “anxious reappraisal” if you wanna learn how to turn the latter into the former… and check out this past blog post where I write all about it)

But how it’s manifesting for me right now, is procrastinating on writing the darn speech in the first place… which isn’t helping!

Here’s the thing. If you’re a procrastinator like me, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy. Or don’t care. Quite the opposite, in fact. It’s when I care a LOT, and want it be amazing, to be perfect, that I put it off… OR, I self sabotage. I don’t give myself enough time to properly prepare, to give it my all, so I have an ‘out’ just in case.

Well, perfect doesn’t exist. And it only has an opportunity to be amazing if I actually write the thing!

Let’s push through our excitement and anxiety and procrastination and self-sabotage together.

Whatever that thing is for you – let’s GET HER DONE! I could use the accountability… 🙏!

So, wish me luck. And know that I am cheering you on, too! 🙌

(Oh, and if you wanna come out and support all of these incredible speakers for the Grand Slam next Wednesday, you are TOTALLY invited! Grab your ticket 🎫 before they’re all gone! It’s gonna be an AWESOME and inspiring evening… AND I HAVE A FEW SEATS LEFT IN A DESIGNATED SECTION (Carol’s cheering squad?!? HA! And a HUGE thanks to all of my special peeps who are already in… means more than you know! So message me if you want one!!! 😉)

 

So, there you have it. Can you relate? Have you ever experienced excitement and anxiety at the same time? Or procrastination and self-sabotage? Or perhaps like me, all at the same time? If so, CONGRATS! You are HUMAN! I’d love to hear what resonated with you, and how you’re going to get your brave on with respect to pushing through whatever that ‘thing’ for you is this week!

I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below!

Have a FAB week!

P.S. Here is the link to grab your ticket to Grand Slam! (OR reply to this email, as I may still have 1 or 2 left in my reserved section!)

P.P.S. Are you ready to GET YOUR BRĀV ON?!? Come and join us at Pursuit OCR on Nov 28th where you’ll learn what it means to get in your B.R.A.V.E. Zone, and then we’ll put it into practice in the 30,000 sqft of awesomeness at this indoor playground!

So, what’s your EQ?!?

by Leave a Comment

Happy Fri-YAY!

And a YAY kind of day it is, too!

As you’re reading this week’s blurb, I’m in the middle of the Archangel Summit VIP MBA Day. I love personal and professional development, I love learning, and I love opportunities for growth. And so naturally, I love conferences and summits where I can soak it all up! And to be honest, love sitting in the audience as a keen participant as much as I love speaking at them! (And when you have speakers like Elizabeth Gilbert, Seth Godin, and Lisa Nichols among the line-up, you KNOW it’s going to be good! Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to share some of the nuggets I glean with you…)

So forgive me as I’m going to cheat a little bit this week. (And umm, is it just me or has this week FLOWN by?!? And due to the Canadian gobble gobble weekend it was also a short one!) 

I’m going to be ‘all in’ on this two-day summit, and finish the blog I started on this very topic next week. (To that end, if you want to share your ideas of what it means to you to be ‘all in,’ would love to hear from you… and I may just give you a shout out, too!) 

Instead, I’m going to share with you an article that was recently shared with me. Sharing is caring, after all!

It’s called ‘9 Things Emotionally Intelligent People Won’t Do’ published by Talent Smart, the leading provider of all things emotional intelligence. I’m a big believer in the power of EQ, and found these ideas very insightful. 

So, enjoy this list, and take note of the ones that most resonate with you. And then, get honest with yourself on which ones you already won’t do (way to go!) and which ones you’re going to take on (woot woot!)

  1. They Won’t Let Anyone Limit Their Joy
  2. They Won’t Forget
  3. They Won’t Die in the Fight
  4. They Won’t Prioritize Perfection
  5. They Won’t Live in the Past
  6. They Won’t Dwell on Problems
  7. They Won’t Hang Around Negative People
  8. They Won’t Hold Grudges
  9. They Won’t Say Yes Unless They Really Want To

 

Some pretty cool ideas, I dare say so myself. 

If you’re curious to read the whole article, you can find it HERE. (Worth the read!) And seeing as how I’m keeping it short and sweet this week, you have a few spare minutes to do so, HA!

For me, it’s #9 I‘m choosing to take on. I’m going to commit to only saying yes when I REALLY want to. Well, maybe it’s more than just wanting to say yes – as I typically want to say yes to everything – it’s getting real with myself about my current capacity, and whether it makes sense to take it on. 

Now it’s your turn! Choose one on try on for size this week, and if you’re even braver, let me know why you chose it, and what would happen as a result of you truly committing to it! I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

And in the meantime, have a FAB week!

P.S. I have MORE exciting news! Speaking of Summits, I was honoured to be interviewed for a powerful on-line summit a few weeks ago… Her Unstoppable Courage. And besides the amazing name, I have to say while I’ve been involved in quite a few various online series and summits over the years, this interview was by far one of my faves – if not my all-time fave. My friend Jennifer really asked some deep questions, and we went way behold where I thought we would! Plus, there are some AWESOME experts in the group! It all starts Oct. 21st, so be sure to register your FREE SPOT HERE!

What sucking at sexy dancing can teach you.

by Leave a Comment 

SO, it turns out I'm more of a not-so-sexy sexy dancer...

 

Oh man was I uncomfortable!

I mean, that was part of the reason I signed up in the first place, but I kind of forgot just how uncomfortable it feels to feel uncomfortable. 

It was week two in my new Army of Sass dance group (Remember when I shared I was going to sign up for a new dance class, that had a recital after 10 weeks?!? Yeah, that one. I’m not sure what I was thinking!) 

So our fireball of an instructor yells out ‘Groups!’ 

And all of sudden it’s time to showcase not only the new section of choreography we’ve just learned, but the whole number from the top, with music.

She proceeds to count and point ‘1,2,3, 1,2,3…’ while going around the room. I tried as best as possible to avoid eye contact and literally hide in the corner. (Not sure how I thought she would miss me, but I was really hoping she would!)

Turns out she found me… and pointed at me as she said ‘1!’

Just my luck.

I didn’t want to do it at all, and now I’m expected to be in group one?!?

I did not have the steps down.

I was not feeling confident!

And I was certainly not ready to be watched and scrutinised by others… who all seemed to be okay, if not excited for this craziness!

So when she called group one and the ladies began to take their places on the studio floor, I didn’t move. I simply pretended it wasn’t my group.

You’re so smart Carol! You totally dodged a bullet there. Well done. After all, no one would know what group I was in, and I could simply keep sitting in the audience inconspicuously.

Group one went. 

There was clapping and cheering. 

I felt a bit guilty, but better than being uncomfortable!

Then group two was called.

I stayed put. 

They, too, seemed to know what they were doing. 

More clapping and cheering. 

Group three was called. 

I stayed put. 

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t like not being good at something, let alone pretty bad! I don’t love feeling totally uncomfortable, or embarrassed. And this is exactly what I was feeling. So of course I didn’t want to move! Makes sense, right?!?

And then all of a sudden I heard this voice of reason inside of me begin speaking…

Carol, how can you expect to empower others to be braver when you’re not even doing it yourself?

So I got up, found a spot on the floor, and committed to trying my best. 

And I did. 

Did I remember all of the steps? Not even close. 

Did I add in some extra sassy, sexy personality? I wish!

It was no doubt evident all over my face I was concentrating extremely intently, desperately trying to remember what I could of this choreo. And the ability to also make it look sexy and cool and effortless? Yeah, I wasn’t quite there yet.

But what I did do, was my best. 

I showed up. 

And sometimes, that is more than enough. 

And you know what? 

I made it through and I didn’t die! (I may have wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever, mind you!) 

And I’m proud I did. 

After all, It’s not about getting the steps right, it’s about showing up on the studio floor in the first place. Just like it’s never about whether you get the raise or promotion or not, it’s about you using your voice to ask for what you want at all.

It’s okay to not be great at something. In fact, that is the only way you are going to learn and grow! And as Carol Dweck says, we all need to adopt the Growth Mindset if we want to achieve new heights and reach our big goals.

It’s uncomfortable to be uncomfortable.

I get it. 

But life isn’t always about being comfortable. Nor is it about being good at everything you do (especially when it’s the first time you’re doing it!) 

Sometimes it’s about trying new things, stretching yourself, and pushing yourself beyond what you thought possible.

Life is about growth. 

And comfort and growth cannot co-exist. 

When was the last time you did something a little out of your comfort zone, stretched yourself a little bit? When was the last time you got a little bit uncomfortable?

This week I challenge you to do just that. 

Here are some ideas:

  • Sign up for a drop-in class or an event of sorts you’ve never done before ~ be it zumba, painting, or pole. 
  • Say yes to taking on a project or an initiative that you want to say no to, for fear of not knowing what you’re doing 
  • Schedule some time in your calendar to face that thing you’ve been avoiding for far too long now
  • Do a brain dump of activities and/or situations that kinda scare you… and then choose one to take on 

I dare you to get your brave on and do something uncomfy this week! And then I want to hear all about in the comments below.

Now I may never be the world’s greatest sexy dancer in heels.

But if I show up at that recital in 8 weeks and I do the dance – even if I don’t get all of the steps right – I’m still growing, and I’m still winning. 

 

Have a FAB week!

It’s Time To Kick Comparison To The Curb (5 ways to do just that!)

by 4 Comments

Happy Friday!

This past week, I had my 20-year high school reunion. 

I know!

But you know what? It actually ended up being quite a fun evening. And even more fun was the debrief brunch with my closest high school girlfriends the next morning!

Twenty years is both a long time, and yet in some ways it was as though no time had passed at all (well, almost!)

While there were one or two who were almost unrecognizable, most hadn’t changed a hair. Our conversations had though – we were now talking about kids and real life issues – instead of cute boys and tough teachers!

I’m not going to lie, I was a little apprehensive going into it. And I know I wasn’t the only one. 

Discussions I had with a few before the event confirmed we were all thinking similar things:

  • Will I measure up? 
  • Have I made something of my life? Or enough of my life? 
  • Am I ageing well? (no joke!) 

What it really comes down to? Wondering whether we can feel good enough about where we are. We’re ultimately comparing ourselves, and our lives, to those of others.

The ironic thing is, we are ALL doing it!

It’s kind of silly if you think about it. 

So much has happened in those twenty years… who knows where one’s life experiences or events have taken them. Who knows what unexpected turn of events took place. Who knows what’s really going on underneath the surface (spoiler alert, you and I both know it’s rarely as it seems!)

Comparison is the thief of all joy. 

It really is!

I know I’ve suffered from it before, and I’m pretty sure you have, too. We’re human after all. But I really think it’s high time we kick it to the curb, once and for all. 

Here are five tips to ensure you don’t catch a case of comparisonitis this Fall!

 

Don’t look at your everyday life next to someone else’s highlight reel

It’s really easy to make assumptions and judgements based on what it looks like on the surface… don’t be fooled! When we compare our day to day with the highlights we see on social media or on the outside, we’re doomed to be left feeling less than. Think about the last time you got all glammed up for something, or took a stellar vacation. I bet people were looking at your fancy life they same way you do others! Nothing is as it seems… at least not all of the time. And remember, perception is reality (even though it isn’t.) 

 

Stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end

It’s just ridiculous to look at someone who has been running marathons for years and then tell ourselves we’re not fit. It’s not fair to look at someone who has been working in their career for 20+ years and feel we haven’t achieved anything when we’re only a few years in. And it’s pointless for someone who has been in business for decades to somehow make us feel we’re not where we could or should be!

 

Ask yourself if you’re willing to trade in the whole picture

Unless you are willing to change 100% of your life, for 100% of the life of the person you are comparing yourself to, it’s not fair! You can’t simply pick and choose the parts that appear glamorous and amazing. It doesn’t work like that. Chances are when you consider the whole picture, you may actually want to stay exactly where you are.

Check in With Your Values

On more than one occasion I’ve caught myself feeling badly at my output – my productivity – compared with someone else’s. And yet how I define productivity and how you define productivity may be very different. Moreover, I may not even value productivity as highly as that other person does! I value connection and relationships a lot, so it’s not uncommon for me to be spending a lot of my time with people, instead of cranking it out at my desk. So it just doesn’t make sense to compare. Identify what your top values are. Once you are clear about what matters most to you, you’ll be less likely to compare to someone who values something that isn’t even as important to you!

Take a Moment to Acknowledge Where You’re At

Take a moment to acknowledge all you have, all of the choices you have made to get you here, and everything you have in your life worth celebrating. Write a gratitude list, a celebration list, or reach out to some of your closest friends and ask them to share some of the things they love about you. Pop open some bubbly or sparkling water and take a moment to cheers to YOU. 

It’s time to kick comparison to the curb. 

We’re all doing it ~ yet it really is the thief of all joy!

I dare you to be brave enough to stop comparing yourself to anyone else this week, and to start loving where you’re at. And, if there is something that’s no longer working for you, that you’re simply sick of tolerating, or that you’re ready to change, let’s JUMP ON A CALL to figure it out together!

And of course, I’d love to hear WHICH of these 5 ideas you’re going to put into practice this week in the comments below!

 

Have a FAB week!