It’s true, it’s none of your business.
Not everything of course, but only your business is your business. It’s not everyone else’s business, nor is anyone else’s business your business.
Allow me to expand.
So my most recent video was picked up by Power of Positivity and went ‘viral’ – whatever that means. (Well, I guess it means it’s been seen by a lot of people, almost 600,000 so far, and getting lots of shares and comments.)
Now, many of the messages coming in are lovely. And I have to say after sharing my story pretty darn vulnerably, and then disclosing a few items on my own ‘If I Were Braver…’ list and being very nervous about it to boot, it’s good to know the talk is inspiring others to also be braver.
And then there are some of the messages that are not so nice.
One of the most recent read: “Wow, she looks a lot older than that, life must’ve been rough on her!” (after I admit in the talk being worried about being single at my age and still wanting to find my match and have babies… so not really what I needed to hear!)
Now luckily, it only made me laugh when I read it, however nasty comments don’t always float off my back so easily.
And for whatever reason, our human brain is wired to focus on the negative, even if it’s one small negative comment to way more positive!
Why is that?!?
In his best-selling book ‘The Four Agreements’ (great read, by the way…) Don Miguel Ruiz proposes four beneficial agreements that if made for yourself, will have a significant and positive impact on your overall state of well-being.
While expanding on argument two, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally,’ he goes on to say what other people think of you is simply none of your business.
And he’s right!
Often easier said than done, of course.
Yet this is exactly what causes us so much pain!
This week I was listening to an interview with Oprah and Byron Katie, who is the author of a book and philosophy called ‘The Work.’ And one of the topics they were discussing, which really resonated with me at the time, was this whole idea of whose business is whose anyway.
Katie talks about the three kinds of ‘business’ that exist:
- Your business
- Other people’s business
- God’s business (or the Universe, or a higher power, or whatever you believe…)
She goes on to say your own business is a full time job! And there is no room, and no need, to get into anyone else’s business. And God – is doing what they need to do, and it’s out of your control.
The idea is that if we only concern ourselves with our own business, we can control what we can control, and change what is no longer working for us.
All too often the problem lies in wanting to change something that is out of our control. And that is what causes suffering. Yet, we’re bringing it on ourselves.
So, it’s time to stop it!
Here’s the situation that immediately came up for me.
Sometimes I can be pretty hard on my Dad.
I want him to eat healthier, be a bit more active, and have commented on more than one occasion on some of his habits.
It always comes from a place of love, of course, because selfishly I want him around for a long time to come! However, it’s not my job to tell him what he should or shouldn’t be doing. Moreover, whenever I do pipe in, we all lose. He gets frustrated, I get frustrated, and nothing changes anyhow!
And then it dawned on me.
The choices my Dad makes for himself are simply none of my business!
And suddenly, I felt a wave of relief come over me.
It’s true, simply taking care of our own business is hard enough! So I am going to stick to that ~ do the best I can to be the best version of me for me ~ and then not worry about anyone else. (Well, at least not too much, anyway!)
I mean, let’s be honest, I’m human and so are you – so it may be a tad more difficult to simply stop caring all together. But perhaps we can start by caring just a little bit less.
Stop caring about what other people think of you, because it’s actually none of your business.
And stop trying to change the behaviours of others around you, as again it’s none of your business.
Imagine how freeing it would be to stop caring so much!
So this week, I dare you to get your brāv on, and start caring a whole lot less.
Let me know in the comments below, one area of your life, or one person in your life, you are going to apply this idea to! I can’t wait to hear all about it.
Have a FAB week!