Carol Schulte

Get your /BRĀV/ on

Brave Leadership

It’s time to be ALL IN.

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So I had this big audition, fresh after graduating from theatre school, to win a coveted spot in the Stratford Festival’s actor-in-training program. Now in case you’re not familiar, The Stratford Festival is one of the most famous theatre festivals in all of Canada. And if you want to perform classical theatre, it is thee theatre company to belong to. Landing a spot in their training school means there’s a pretty good chance you’ll also land a spot on the roster for their upcoming season.

Now I wanted to get in of course, but didn’t really believe I had a chance. And so instead of working really hard for it, I did the opposite. 

It was homecoming weekend, and the night before the audition there was this party. So I convinced myself I would be ‘good,’ only drop in for a little bit, have a drink or two, and then leave early enough I still had the evening to prep for my big audition. I asked my parents to pick me up at either 8 or 9pm, can’t remember now, so I wouldn’t be tempted to stay any later. They very kindly obliged, however at that point I was already a few glasses of wine in. Who’s kidding who, there was no way I was in a place to properly rehearse that night! And I didn’t. I crashed early instead (should have just stayed partying!) In my attempt to do both – both party and prepare – I ended up doing neither.

And yes, if you’re thinking I shouldn’t have left it so last minute in the first place, you’d be right. Procrastination was another pattern I seemed to be pretty good at. Especially when stuff was really important. 

So the next morning arrives and I drive to the big audition. I practice my lines in my head, I wear my Shakespearean skirt, and I sit patiently in the hallway with all of the other hopefuls… all sizing one another up and down. 

My name was finally called, and I take a big breath in as I walk to the centre of the room. I try to ground my feet inside my character shoes on the floor, state my name, and begin my monologue. 

I’m less than two lines in, and it happens. 

The thing all actors dread. 

I freeze. 

I stop mid-sentence, and completely blank on my lines. 

Now if this were a modern piece of text, I may have been able to add lib or fumble my way through at least a few words until I found my way back. With Shakespeare’s poetry and and rhyming iambic pentameter, it’s a little more difficult. 

So I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, until I simply couldn’t bear it any longer, and did what you are NEVER supposed to do in an audition: I broke character, I apologized, and I walked out. 

Yup. For the first (but only!) time in my acting career, I TOTALLY bombed the audition, was completely mortified, and never again attempted Shakespearean theatre.

Now you and I both know the issue wasn’t about the audition at all.

The problem was my mindset and preparation – or lack there of – going into it.

I was clearly not all in!

Being ‘ALL IN’ means you’re going full steam ahead for something. It means you fully believe in something and you’re going all the way. It means you’re willing to sacrifice whatever it takes in order to get what you want or where you want to go. 

When you’re all in on something, your eye is on the prize. There is no room for second guessing. There is no turning back. 

When you’re all in on something, there is no plan B. 

I hate to admit the number of times I’ve been way less than all in on something, in case it didn’t work out. The number of times I’ve self-sabotaged myself. Because if I do give my all, and it doesn’t work out, then I’ll be even more disappointed. And I’ll have failed. 

But the truth is, I’m going to be way more disappointed in the long run if I don’t set myself up for my greatest success, if I don’t allow myself to give it all I’ve got, even if I do fail. Because going all in, whether it works out or it doesn’t, is better than half assing it, or even worse never trying at all.

Instead of having your toe dipped halfway in the pool, or too many toes tipped in too many pools, it may be time to go all in on one thing. On something. 

What if it doesn’t work? That’s okay! At least you tried… and failure is a necessary step along the path to success.

And moreover, what if it DOES work?!?

It’s time to go ALL IN. To be all in. 

Not sure what it takes? Here are three steps: 

 

1. COMMIT

I had a total shift in perspective this week, when my amazing mentor shared why he didn’t believe in goals, targets, aims and objectives. At first I was quite disheartened – I love setting goals! – but then he went on to explain so long as we’re only aiming for something, and we fall short, it’s okay. He gave an example of a company who ‘aimed to be ethical.’ I got it. It almost gives you an out, doesn’t it?!? But if you COMMIT to something, it becomes way more powerful. It becomes real. When you’re ready and willing to seriously commit, to put a stake in the ground, by golly you’ll make sure it happens. 

2. PRIORITIZE

If you’re really serious about being all in on something, there are going to be other things that will have to go. You just can’t do it all (at least not all at the same time!) And as my wise theatre school director once said, in her beautiful British accent, “There will ALWAYS be another party!” It’s true. There will always be more parties, more opportunities, more distractions. They’re not going anywhere any time soon, so don’t worry!

3. PERSIST 

One of the dominant themes I’ve been hearing recently from thought leaders and super successful folks, is that if you want something bad enough, you just have to keep going. An overnight success is at least 10 years in the making. So if you REALLY want something – whatever it is – keep at it. Don’t stop, even if it doesn’t work the first, the second, even the tenth try. Heck, the lightbulb took over 10,000 attempts! It’s not about how many times you fall down, it’s about how many times you’re willing to get back up. (yeah, yeah, cliché, but true!) 

 

You’re never going to know what you’re truly capable of until you go all in. 

And it’s time. 

 

This week, I dare you to get your brave on and go all in. On something. One thing. An action, a belief, a desire. And then be prepared to commit, prioritize, and persist. You’ve got this! 

I can’t wait to hear all of your brave commitments in the comments below! I’m cheering you on…

Have a FAB week!

 

What sucking at sexy dancing can teach you.

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SO, it turns out I'm more of a not-so-sexy sexy dancer...

 

Oh man was I uncomfortable!

I mean, that was part of the reason I signed up in the first place, but I kind of forgot just how uncomfortable it feels to feel uncomfortable. 

It was week two in my new Army of Sass dance group (Remember when I shared I was going to sign up for a new dance class, that had a recital after 10 weeks?!? Yeah, that one. I’m not sure what I was thinking!) 

So our fireball of an instructor yells out ‘Groups!’ 

And all of sudden it’s time to showcase not only the new section of choreography we’ve just learned, but the whole number from the top, with music.

She proceeds to count and point ‘1,2,3, 1,2,3…’ while going around the room. I tried as best as possible to avoid eye contact and literally hide in the corner. (Not sure how I thought she would miss me, but I was really hoping she would!)

Turns out she found me… and pointed at me as she said ‘1!’

Just my luck.

I didn’t want to do it at all, and now I’m expected to be in group one?!?

I did not have the steps down.

I was not feeling confident!

And I was certainly not ready to be watched and scrutinised by others… who all seemed to be okay, if not excited for this craziness!

So when she called group one and the ladies began to take their places on the studio floor, I didn’t move. I simply pretended it wasn’t my group.

You’re so smart Carol! You totally dodged a bullet there. Well done. After all, no one would know what group I was in, and I could simply keep sitting in the audience inconspicuously.

Group one went. 

There was clapping and cheering. 

I felt a bit guilty, but better than being uncomfortable!

Then group two was called.

I stayed put. 

They, too, seemed to know what they were doing. 

More clapping and cheering. 

Group three was called. 

I stayed put. 

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t like not being good at something, let alone pretty bad! I don’t love feeling totally uncomfortable, or embarrassed. And this is exactly what I was feeling. So of course I didn’t want to move! Makes sense, right?!?

And then all of a sudden I heard this voice of reason inside of me begin speaking…

Carol, how can you expect to empower others to be braver when you’re not even doing it yourself?

So I got up, found a spot on the floor, and committed to trying my best. 

And I did. 

Did I remember all of the steps? Not even close. 

Did I add in some extra sassy, sexy personality? I wish!

It was no doubt evident all over my face I was concentrating extremely intently, desperately trying to remember what I could of this choreo. And the ability to also make it look sexy and cool and effortless? Yeah, I wasn’t quite there yet.

But what I did do, was my best. 

I showed up. 

And sometimes, that is more than enough. 

And you know what? 

I made it through and I didn’t die! (I may have wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever, mind you!) 

And I’m proud I did. 

After all, It’s not about getting the steps right, it’s about showing up on the studio floor in the first place. Just like it’s never about whether you get the raise or promotion or not, it’s about you using your voice to ask for what you want at all.

It’s okay to not be great at something. In fact, that is the only way you are going to learn and grow! And as Carol Dweck says, we all need to adopt the Growth Mindset if we want to achieve new heights and reach our big goals.

It’s uncomfortable to be uncomfortable.

I get it. 

But life isn’t always about being comfortable. Nor is it about being good at everything you do (especially when it’s the first time you’re doing it!) 

Sometimes it’s about trying new things, stretching yourself, and pushing yourself beyond what you thought possible.

Life is about growth. 

And comfort and growth cannot co-exist. 

When was the last time you did something a little out of your comfort zone, stretched yourself a little bit? When was the last time you got a little bit uncomfortable?

This week I challenge you to do just that. 

Here are some ideas:

  • Sign up for a drop-in class or an event of sorts you’ve never done before ~ be it zumba, painting, or pole. 
  • Say yes to taking on a project or an initiative that you want to say no to, for fear of not knowing what you’re doing 
  • Schedule some time in your calendar to face that thing you’ve been avoiding for far too long now
  • Do a brain dump of activities and/or situations that kinda scare you… and then choose one to take on 

I dare you to get your brave on and do something uncomfy this week! And then I want to hear all about in the comments below.

Now I may never be the world’s greatest sexy dancer in heels.

But if I show up at that recital in 8 weeks and I do the dance – even if I don’t get all of the steps right – I’m still growing, and I’m still winning. 

 

Have a FAB week!

It’s Time To Kick Comparison To The Curb (5 ways to do just that!)

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Happy Friday!

This past week, I had my 20-year high school reunion. 

I know!

But you know what? It actually ended up being quite a fun evening. And even more fun was the debrief brunch with my closest high school girlfriends the next morning!

Twenty years is both a long time, and yet in some ways it was as though no time had passed at all (well, almost!)

While there were one or two who were almost unrecognizable, most hadn’t changed a hair. Our conversations had though – we were now talking about kids and real life issues – instead of cute boys and tough teachers!

I’m not going to lie, I was a little apprehensive going into it. And I know I wasn’t the only one. 

Discussions I had with a few before the event confirmed we were all thinking similar things:

  • Will I measure up? 
  • Have I made something of my life? Or enough of my life? 
  • Am I ageing well? (no joke!) 

What it really comes down to? Wondering whether we can feel good enough about where we are. We’re ultimately comparing ourselves, and our lives, to those of others.

The ironic thing is, we are ALL doing it!

It’s kind of silly if you think about it. 

So much has happened in those twenty years… who knows where one’s life experiences or events have taken them. Who knows what unexpected turn of events took place. Who knows what’s really going on underneath the surface (spoiler alert, you and I both know it’s rarely as it seems!)

Comparison is the thief of all joy. 

It really is!

I know I’ve suffered from it before, and I’m pretty sure you have, too. We’re human after all. But I really think it’s high time we kick it to the curb, once and for all. 

Here are five tips to ensure you don’t catch a case of comparisonitis this Fall!

 

Don’t look at your everyday life next to someone else’s highlight reel

It’s really easy to make assumptions and judgements based on what it looks like on the surface… don’t be fooled! When we compare our day to day with the highlights we see on social media or on the outside, we’re doomed to be left feeling less than. Think about the last time you got all glammed up for something, or took a stellar vacation. I bet people were looking at your fancy life they same way you do others! Nothing is as it seems… at least not all of the time. And remember, perception is reality (even though it isn’t.) 

 

Stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end

It’s just ridiculous to look at someone who has been running marathons for years and then tell ourselves we’re not fit. It’s not fair to look at someone who has been working in their career for 20+ years and feel we haven’t achieved anything when we’re only a few years in. And it’s pointless for someone who has been in business for decades to somehow make us feel we’re not where we could or should be!

 

Ask yourself if you’re willing to trade in the whole picture

Unless you are willing to change 100% of your life, for 100% of the life of the person you are comparing yourself to, it’s not fair! You can’t simply pick and choose the parts that appear glamorous and amazing. It doesn’t work like that. Chances are when you consider the whole picture, you may actually want to stay exactly where you are.

Check in With Your Values

On more than one occasion I’ve caught myself feeling badly at my output – my productivity – compared with someone else’s. And yet how I define productivity and how you define productivity may be very different. Moreover, I may not even value productivity as highly as that other person does! I value connection and relationships a lot, so it’s not uncommon for me to be spending a lot of my time with people, instead of cranking it out at my desk. So it just doesn’t make sense to compare. Identify what your top values are. Once you are clear about what matters most to you, you’ll be less likely to compare to someone who values something that isn’t even as important to you!

Take a Moment to Acknowledge Where You’re At

Take a moment to acknowledge all you have, all of the choices you have made to get you here, and everything you have in your life worth celebrating. Write a gratitude list, a celebration list, or reach out to some of your closest friends and ask them to share some of the things they love about you. Pop open some bubbly or sparkling water and take a moment to cheers to YOU. 

It’s time to kick comparison to the curb. 

We’re all doing it ~ yet it really is the thief of all joy!

I dare you to be brave enough to stop comparing yourself to anyone else this week, and to start loving where you’re at. And, if there is something that’s no longer working for you, that you’re simply sick of tolerating, or that you’re ready to change, let’s JUMP ON A CALL to figure it out together!

And of course, I’d love to hear WHICH of these 5 ideas you’re going to put into practice this week in the comments below!

 

Have a FAB week!

Is more, better?

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Happy Friday!

You may recall the story of Oliver Twist.

And more specifically, do you remember the part where young Oliver, still ravished after his first small bowl of oatmeal gruel, innocently asks in his lovely little boy British accent:

“Please, Sir, I want some more…”

Well, he was not met with a positive response, and in fact was thrown out of the workhouse as a result!

Poor guy… (I actually had to refresh my memory with the story, and it turns out because all of the boys were starving, decided they would choose one boy to speak out and ask for seconds… and Oliver was the unlucky winner of the lottery!) 

Now in this case, he wanted more because he was truly starving. 

But why is it we almost always seem to want more?

When is anything ever going to be enough?

And is more even better?

I’m asking myself these same questions as I pose them to you.

Because the truth is, I often find myself with a feeling of wanting more. Or automatically focusing on what I don’t yet have. 

And I know I’m not alone! 

A few days ago I was having a lovely conversation with a special family friend, who is somewhat limited with what she and her husband are able to do, due to the fact he is in a wheelchair. 

And while she was sharing it’s tough not to always be able to do the things she wants to do, not even a moment later she wisely stated:

“But I’m happy with what we have.”

Yes! Gratitude and appreciation for what we actually have right here, right now. It made me smile big. 

A few nights ago I was at a fireside chat for female entrepreneurs. And I had a lovely conversation with one of the panelists – who not only has a very successful business, is also very humble and happens to be a friend and generous mentor. She was wanting to congratulate me on some of the things I’ve been up to recently, to which I replied ‘Yeah, but, I’m not ____  yet. I’m not doing _x_ yet. I haven’t figured out _y_.

She quickly responded by saying, ‘but maybe you have!’ And maybe you do!’ Then she brought up the word insatiable, and began to challenge me on it. 

In a follow up chat, she wisely said it’s okay to be insatiable, ‘just as long as you give yourself permission to live your current life just as it is, just as you are.’ 

WOW. I needed to hear those words. 

I’m aware this idea is not a new one, however it’s an important one.
And as with all important ideas, they deserve repeating in different ways. 

It’s okay to be ambitious. It’s okay to want to grow. It’s okay to have goals.

But not if you can’t also be happy with where you are now.

It’s often too easy and too tempting to look at where we want to be, or what may be missing from where we are, instead of focusing on being grateful and celebrating what we’ve got.

This week I’ve had some pretty big successes, and yet before I really gave myself an opportunity to take them all in, I’m already looking ahead to what’s next!

And how will we ever be truly fulfilled or satisfied if we live that way?!?

More is not always better. 

I think it’s time for a little shift in perspective. 

So, I have a few questions for you to answer this week:

  • When was the last time you made a gratitude list? If you can’t remember the last time, perhaps it’s about time!
  • What is one thing happening in your life right now worth celebrating? 
  • What would it mean to ‘give yourself permission to live your current life just as it is, just as you are?’

I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

Perhaps in the case of oatmeal gruel, we would want more (they must have been REALLY hungry!)  

But when it comes to most other things we’re continually chasing, maybe more isn’t always better. 

Have a FAB week!


It’s None Of Your Business!

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Happy Friday!

It’s true, it’s none of your business. 

Not everything of course, but only your business is your business. It’s not everyone else’s business, nor is anyone else’s business your business. 

Allow me to expand. 

So my most recent video was picked up by Power of Positivity and went ‘viral’ – whatever that means. (Well, I guess it means it’s been seen by a lot of people, almost 600,000 so far, and getting lots of shares and comments.) 

Now, many of the messages coming in are lovely. And I have to say after sharing my story pretty darn vulnerably, and then disclosing a few items on my own ‘If I Were Braver…’ list and being very nervous about it to boot, it’s good to know the talk is inspiring others to also be braver. 

And then there are some of the messages that are not so nice.

One of the most recent read: “Wow, she looks a lot older than that, life must’ve been rough on her!” (after I admit in the talk being worried about being single at my age and still wanting to find my match and have babies… so not really what I needed to hear!) 

Now luckily, it only made me laugh when I read it, however nasty comments don’t always float off my back so easily.

And for whatever reason, our human brain is wired to focus on the negative, even if it’s one small negative comment to way more positive!

Why is that?!?

In his best-selling book ‘The Four Agreements’ (great read, by the way…) Don Miguel Ruiz proposes four beneficial agreements that if made for yourself, will have a significant and positive impact on your overall state of well-being. 

While expanding on argument two, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally,’ he goes on to say what other people think of you is simply none of your business.

And he’s right!

Often easier said than done, of course. 

Yet this is exactly what causes us so much pain!

This week I was listening to an interview with Oprah and Byron Katie, who is the author of a book and philosophy called ‘The Work.’ And one of the topics they were discussing, which really resonated with me at the time, was this whole idea of whose business is whose anyway. 

Katie talks about the three kinds of ‘business’ that exist:

  1. Your business
  2. Other people’s business
  3. God’s business (or the Universe, or a higher power, or whatever you believe…)

She goes on to say your own business is a full time job! And there is no room, and no need, to get into anyone else’s business. And God – is doing what they need to do, and it’s out of your control. 

The idea is that if we only concern ourselves with our own business, we can control what we can control, and change what is no longer working for us. 

All too often the problem lies in wanting to change something that is out of our control. And that is what causes suffering. Yet, we’re bringing it on ourselves.

So, it’s time to stop it!

Here’s the situation that immediately came up for me. 

Sometimes I can be pretty hard on my Dad. 

I want him to eat healthier, be a bit more active, and have commented on more than one occasion on some of his habits. 

It always comes from a place of love, of course, because selfishly I want him around for a long time to come! However, it’s not my job to tell him what he should or shouldn’t be doing. Moreover, whenever I do pipe in, we all lose. He gets frustrated, I get frustrated, and nothing changes anyhow!

And then it dawned on me. 

The choices my Dad makes for himself are simply none of my business!

And suddenly, I felt a wave of relief come over me. 

It’s true, simply taking care of our own business is hard enough! So I am going to stick to that ~ do the best I can to be the best version of me for me ~ and then not worry about anyone else. (Well, at least not too much, anyway!)

I mean, let’s be honest, I’m human and so are you – so it may be a tad more difficult to simply stop caring all together. But perhaps we can start by caring just a little bit less. 

Stop caring about what other people think of you, because it’s actually none of your business. 

And stop trying to change the behaviours of others around you, as again it’s none of your business.

Imagine how freeing it would be to stop caring so much!

So this week, I dare you to get your brāv on, and start caring a whole lot less. 

Let me know in the comments below, one area of your life, or one person in your life, you are going to apply this idea to! I can’t wait to hear all about it. 

Have a FAB week!

You’re not too old. And it’s not too late.

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“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

~ Chinese Proverb

When I was younger, like, I’m talking Carol in her very early teens, I realised I loved musical theatre. The problem was, I wasn’t a dancer. And I wanted to learn.

My immediate thought: I’m too old to start now!

And so I didn’t.

The following year, the feeling came back… I mean I really wanted to pursue musical theatre and I really wanted to learn how to dance.

My next immediate thought: “But I’m too old to start now!”

And so I didn’t.

And so it continued for a few years… until I just couldn’t take it anymore. 

I found myself at theatre camp, where I was having such an incredible time, I ended up staying for an extra two weeks. To do an intense dance camp. Yup, I finally started. 

At that point, it was the Summer before going into my junior year of high school! (Oh man, and to think I thought I was ‘old’ back then?!? Hilarious…)

And you know what, I LOVED it!

So when I got back to school, I decided to actually continue and enrol in dance classes. But not just one class, no no no ~ I was told if I really wanted to get serious about dancing, I needed to study all forms. 

So I signed up for ballet, jazz, modern, and tap. 

Almost every night of the week I was in dance class. 

Picture a 17-year old Carol, awkward enough as it was, in beginner ballet class where I was double the height and twice the size of these pre pubescent little girls, wearing a mandatory pink leotard and white tights. (And you should have seen the shiny bright turquoise unitard number that I had to wear for modern class! My roommate would literally roll around on the ground in hysterics every time I put that thing on!)

I digress.

So there I was one day in ballet class, and I was told I needed to work on my turn out. 

Now being the ever keener and people pleaser I was, I became obsessed with impressing the teacher and earning her affection through what I decided would become an incredible turnout. 

So during one of my next grand pliés, I turned out so much that while my thighs turned outwards, my knee popped inwards. 

Yup, I had popped my patella right out of place. 

I basically fell to the floor, but not wanting to appear weak in front of all the much younger girls I held back the tears as best I could and got back in position.

And then it popped out again. 

Perhaps I wasn’t cut out to be a dancer after all. 

I never went back to ballet class, and not long after that I gave up all of my dance classes altogether. 

Just as well, as it would have been ridiculously embarrassing to be in the recital with girls half my age and half my size dancing circles around me!

Or, perhaps it would have been ridiculously brave of me to stick to it. 

In any event, my dancing career ended before it ever began. 

Until it started again. 

You see, I did eventually get back to dancing, as I ended up pursuing theatre in university, which meant there were lots of dance classes. Now I was never going to be a Radio City Rockette (although how cool would that have been!), and remained scarred from that terrible experience in ballet class for quite a while mind you, but eventually I connected to the joy of what it felt like when I first explored dance. 

And I will have you know, after all these years away from it, I just signed up for a new 10-week dance program (for people my age thank goodness!) starting next month, including a mandatory recital!

So, what’s the moral of the story?

Never enrol in dance classes with children half your age and size if you actually want to stick to it! 

Just kidding. 

The moral of the story is you are never too old and it is never too late to start something you’ve always wanted to do. 

Be it dance classes, cooking, a new language, a new sport, writing, speaking, etc… 

And if ‘too old’ has never been your thing, get honest with yourself about what your driving excuse is. 

Which of the following are you saying to yourself?

I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m too busy. I’m too in debt. I’m too disorganised I’m too out of shape.  I’m too _____ …

Name your poison.

And then STOP IT already!!!

The more you say it, the more real it becomes. 
And the truth is, it is NOT the truth!

Besides, it will never be the perfect time, and you will never be any younger than you are today. And it’s only going to get harder the more you put it off!

And if you really want something, that desire is never going to go away. 

So, it’s time to identify:

  1. What it is you REALLY want?
  2. Which of these lies have you been telling yourself?
  3. What is the first next step you can take to start making it happen?

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”

Chinese Proverb

I challenge you to get your brāv on and answer these three questions in the comments below. I look forward to hearing from you!

AND MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!! There are two exciting LIVE EVENTS coming up for all of you in the Toronto area!

1. Sept. 19th~ LinkedIN Local Meetup– How to be BRĀV through career transitions 

2. Sept. 26th~ ‘Get Your BRĀV On!’Lunch and learn for female leaders at The Verity Club!

I hope to see you there!

Have a FAB week!