Carol Schulte

Get your BRĀV on!

Carol Schulte

🎶🎵 Give a little love each day 🎵 🎶 (… my FAVE song from grade one!)

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Happy Friday! And Happy Valentine’s Day!

This morning I was so excited when I received a Valentine’s Day card from my little niece, carefully folded with a sticker heart to properly conceal it. 

Remember those Valentine’s Day cards we used to exchange when we were in grade school? I used to love both giving and receiving them when I was younger. A tad cheesy, but still cute. 

My message was ‘You take the cake!’ while my Dad’s read ‘You make my heart melt,’ and my sister’s ‘You’re my sweetie – pie!’ complete with a big slice of pie.

It’s quite funny to think of these gushing messages of love sent by innocent 8-year-olds. And yet it’s more about the act of showing you care that matters.  

And I suppose that’s what love is all about. 

Confession time. 

I’ve never been a lover of love… decor that expresses love, posters and signs and word sculptures, any kind of love paraphernalia for that matter. Not because I don’t believe in love, but maybe because I find it a bit cheesy, or perhaps I’m more reserved in opening my heart to it.

Now expressing gratitude, appreciation, I’m all over that. Which is why last week I shared what, in my opinion, are the 3 most important words you could ever use. However expressing mushy messages of love is not something I’m as comfortable with. 

That being said, life would be nothing without love.

I remember one of my favourite songs to sing when I was in grade one called ‘Give a Little Love’ :

 

Give a little love each day,

Just a little love each day,

And right before your eyes, 

You’re gonna realize, 

The sun has chased the clouds away. 

If you just give a little love, each day. 

That’s all I can remember ~ I’m pretty sure I forgot a verse or two in there somewhere! But you get the idea. 

Sharing love makes good things happen. And the more you give it away, the more it grows. 

So today, on this fine Valentine’s Day, whether you have a special Valentine in your life or not (shout out to all of the fellow single folk out there!), here are some ways you can both give a little love to yourself and to others today (as both are equally as important!) 

 

1. Write a love letter to yourself. 

When was the last time you wrote yourself a love letter? Have you ever written one?

No doubt you’ve written some in your time (I actually have an antique trunk where I keep old love letters and special cards from folks over the years…), however as important as it is to spread and share the love with others, it’s arguably even more important to show the love for yourself. 

So go on, get out a piece of paper or a card – or splurge on a fancy piece of stationary – and start waxing poetic to yourself today, to your younger self, or to your future self. 

 

2. Write a love letter (or simply a nice note!) to someone else

Everyone loves a good love letter or note of appreciation. Yet we’re often too busy to make time to express our love for other special people in our lives. And I’m not just talking about lovers or significant others. These notes can be shared with friends, family members, colleagues, neighbours…

Share some of the reasons you love and/or appreciate someone. You’ll make their day, and yours too. You can do it spontaneously, or anonymously, or even pretend to be a secret admirer.

3. Take yourself out on a date

I used to take myself out on dates all of the time. Still do! Sometimes I even get dressed up, choose a fancy or fave place, and indulge in a delicious meal… often including dessert!

Don’t want to go out? Order in and watch some Netflix in your pajamas. You may just find out you’re pretty good company!

4. Do a random act of love 

We’ve all heard of random acts of kindness… but what about random acts of love? Perhaps similar in nature, however random acts of kindness often have to do with strangers (or friends you haven’t yet met.) Whereas random acts of love could be considered random acts you do for people you already know. Put a love note into your child’s lunchbox. Send your sibling tickets to their favourite concert. Or say yes to watching a movie of your friend or significant other’s choice, even though it wasn’t first on your list. Love doesn’t have to be limited to romantic love. You can show small acts of love to anyone who means something in your life. And no doubt they will be open to receiving this love. 

 

5. Buy yourself flowers (or chocolates!) 

There is something about having a fresh bouquet of flowers. It freshens the air. It freshens your home. It freshens your soul. And it’s almost like you’re giving yourself a special treat. We do it for our guests, but how often do we do it for ourselves? Well, you’re worth it. Same goes for a fancy box of chocolates! 

 

6. Give up something you love

This may appear counterintuitive, so hear me out. Sometimes we do things that aren’t good for us, because we are very good at rationalizing or justifying why we deserve it. A Netflix marathon until 2am in the morning. A second bowl of ice cream. A 3rd glass of wine. Maybe it’s time to love yourself enough to give something up. 

So next time you have a craving for a little extra indulgence, say no. Because deep down, even though in the moment you may think you’re showing yourself some love, you know by saying no, you’re actually loving on yourself even more.

 

7. Donate to a cause in honour of someone you love

It could be in memory of someone who has passed, or someone still living. It could be in their name, or given anonymously. Although it’s nice to know our love has been received, it’s arguably even more important for you, the sender, to enjoy expressing it. And it’s not always about what you may get in return.

I hope you take on one of these ideas today or this week… and I then I hope to hear from you! Share your experience in the comments below.

 

Have a FAB week!

The 3 Most Powerful Words You Could Ever Use…

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Happy Saturday!

My whole family is excitedly sitting in the airport, eating a quick bite for breakfast before getting ready to board our flight to Providenciales, Turks & Caicos (indeed, we are spoiled!) And my little 5-year-old nephew, promptly and instinctively after taking the first bite out of his cinnamon bun, still chewing, gave a big thumbs up to our server. He does this a lot, and it always makes me smile.

One tiny thumb, one massive meaning. 

In that small gesture he was saying thank you, this is delicious, and I appreciate you. 

Call me a geek, but I’m the kind of person who takes the time to fill out comment cards and surveys, leave reviews, and offer positive feedback whether to a sales associate at a store, or a server looking after me at a restaurant. 

I like building rapport with those I meet, work with, and look after me. I really try to make a conscious effort to ask someone’s name, and express my appreciation to those who cross my path. 

This one time leaving my local Longos supermarket, after having gone to the customer service desk in order to write a positive comment after the excellent help I had just received from one of their young grocers (Jake I believe his name was) I was stopped by a gentleman in the parking lot:

“Had a poor experience, did you?” Clearly having witnessed me writing away at the customer service desk a few moments earlier.

“Actually, no! I had an extremely positive one!” 

He looked at me funny, appearing surprised by my reply.

“People seem to have no problem taking the time to complain, but rarely take the time to express appreciation,” I added. 

He paused for a brief moment and then said, “you’re right.”

Sadly, it’s true. 

We’re far too quick to share our negative experiences and complaints… whether it be due to poor customer service, cold food, or when the quality of something does not quite meet our expectations. And yet when an experience or service goes above and beyond our expectations, we’re not as fast, or as likely, to share our positive feedback.

The following three words are extremely powerful, and we could use them a lot more often than perhaps we do now. (And no, they are not ‘I love you!’ – although of course you can always be sending and expressing more love out there…)

So what are they?

 

I APPRECIATE YOU.

 

Just like my nephew’s thumb gesture, this short phrase says a lot. Thank you, I see you, I am grateful for you, and you matter. 

And you do matter. 

We all do. 

And we need to express it more often. (You have to admit, when someone else tells you they appreciate you, it feels pretty good, right?!?)

Appreciation is different than gratitude. 

In my opinion, it goes deeper. 

You can express gratitude, but appreciation somehow makes it more personal. And when you take the time and make the effort to get specific, the deeper it goes. 

‘I appreciate you’ are indeed three powerful words. 

I dare you to use them more – whether spoken or in good ol’ fashioned hand-written cards – to mean them more, to show them more. 

And just like love, celebration and joy – the more you express it, the more you experience it, and the more it grows. 

 

I appreciate YOU! 

I appreciate you for trusting me, for inspiring me, for being in my life. 

I appreciate you simply for being you. 

 

So what are you appreciating in this moment? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

 

Have a FAB week!

Lessons learned after a silent meditation retreat…

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Happy Saturday!

From where I sit some 30,000ft in the air, flying back from Montreal after finishing my silent meditation retreat early evening yesterday.

It was a ‘Metta’ retreat – which embarrassingly enough I didn’t know too much about prior to signing up – nor had I ever practiced this type of meditation before.

Metta means loving-kindness, and the idea is to cultivate, and send, loving kindness to yourself, your loved ones, your friendship circles, those you are ‘neutral’ about (the people you regularly see at your grocery store or local coffee shop) and then out to larger groups of humanity. The classic way to practice Metta is through short phrases and words, repeated in your head over and over again, while also holding your intention, and the idea of the person in your mind.

We did this while alternating between sitting meditation, and walking meditation (walking 10-15 paces in one direction, at the pace of your voice saying these words or phrases, and then turning around and walking the same amount of paces back.)

Myself and 39 other individuals, all with their own stories and circumstances and motivations for being there, did this together for 14 hours a day, save for meal breaks and 45 minutes of ‘working meditation’ (I got to clean toilets… you’ve never seen toilets sparkle so!)

And all in silence.

I have to say it was pretty challenging, and yet extremely powerful. And it was only 4 days! Some people brave silent retreats for YEARS!

Well, I survived.

And in fact, I want more.

I’ve been thinking about doing a traditional 10-day Vipasanna meditation retreat for a few yers now… however timing has never worked out, or I was subconsciously not ready. But I’m pretty confident I could do it now.

I acknowledge this week is, yet again, another personal share rather than an insight or something to teach or apply. And then again, perhaps it will give you an opportunity to think about what you’ve been thinking about doing for a while, or something that may be on your ‘Brave List.’

That being said, it would be remiss of me not to share some of my initial learnings and take-aways (it hasn’t even been 24 hours since I left the beautiful centre in the middle of the Laurentians… see one of the photos I took above just before handing in my phone!) even though there is much still to digest, process and reflect upon.

 

Silence can be piercing. 

Okay, a bit of an exaggerated oxymoron, and yet true. But in a good way. We were in silence the entire retreat, and yet powerful communication still took place. Not to mention clarity, feeling, and space… oh so much space. (Although I have to say, not being able to say hello, good morning, ask people’s names, or engage with the others during meals was extremely challenging… I couldn’t help but feel kinda rude!) 

 

Loving-Kindness is never not helpful.

Our teacher is a world-renown mindfulness instructor, and I honestly could have listened to his soothing voice all day long! He shared so many nuggets of wisdom, however I did as I was told and refrained from writing anything down throughout the experience. Part of me wish I had! After almost three decades of studying and practicing various styles of meditation, mindfulness, and the teachings of Buddhism, you hung on his every word. And while there were so many eloquent phrases uttered, one of the more simple ideas was this: bringing loving-kindness will only ever make a situation better. And so it is.

 

When you have nowhere else to be, you can simply be here. 

I tend to move pretty fast. I’m often on the go, often in a rush, and often trying to do numerous things all at once (even though I know it’s not productive!) However, when you’ve handed in your devices during a special ceremony, and there is no option to do anything other than what you’re doing, there is space to simply be here now. When I sat in meditation, I actually sat. When it was time for walking meditation, I walked slower than I ever have done. 10 paces in one direction, 10 paces back. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to get to. And when I ate at meal time, I ate. And I tasted my food in a whole new way.

When you put all of your energy and attention into what you are doing here and now, and into this moment, there is a stillness and a space created that is actually quite magical.

It’s going to be challenging to hang onto these ideas now I’m back to reality, however, I’m committing to slowing down, to creating more awareness and space in the present moment, and sharing more loving-kindness with everyone I meet and in every situation.

 

Have you ever been curious in doing a silent retreat? What do you think would be the most challenging part? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

 

And now in the true Metta fashion, may you have joy, may you have peace, and may you have love… this week and beyond!

Why you need to act ‘as if…’ and how to do it.

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Happy Saturday!

At the annual CAPS (Canadian Association of Professional Speakers) convention in December, they had what they called ‘game changer’ moments. These mini sessions took place on the main stage, and featured select individuals within the Association who had two minutes to share their biggest ‘game changer.’

The one that stuck with me the most was actually from my speaker coach, the incredible Jane Atkinson. 

Her game changer was simple, yet profound: “Act As If…”

Act as if you are already the speaker you want to be.
Invest in yourself as if you already had the money you wish to have in your bank account.
Make choices as if you already know they are going to work out.

The idea being you want to behave, ultimately, as if you are already the person you wish to become. 

And magically, what you’ll begin to see is that you do, in fact, become that person. 

I’ve worked with enough people to know when it comes to taking big, bold, brave action, they have never felt ready before they do the thing. And yet in every case, as soon as they did the thing, they realized they could do it!

When it comes to taking on something new, going after your big goals and dreams, being brave, sometimes you have to act as if you already are.

And chances are you’ll soon catch up with yourself!

It reminds me of the book The Art of Possibility, by Rosamund Stone and Benjamin Zander. Benjamin was the conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra, his wife a psychotherapist, and both were equally curious and confused as to why they continued to see such extremely talented music students (Benjamin also taught at the New England Conservatory of Music) appear all too consumed by the measurement of their performance, they were less willing to take creative risks and really experience the music. And so, they came up with the idea of ‘giving an A.’ They simply decided to give every student an ‘A’ at the beginning of the semester, hoping that would give them the freedom to try new ways of playing and to take more risks. The only condition was each student had to write a letter to the teacher dated a year later, as if they had already earned that A, explaining why they deserved this grade.

Giving yourself an ‘A’ eliminates the need to second guess, or to compare yourself to anyone else. Instead, in this case it focuses on how to chip away at the stone to reveal each person’s own mastery, self-expression, and true brilliance.

What if you were to give yourself an A in whatever area you choose – your work life, your finances, your communication, your business, your ability to say yes (or no!) – before you were ready?

Imagine what would happen if you were to act as if you had already earned an A in these areas.

How might you behave differently?
How might you feel differently?

In the coming weeks, I challenge you to act ‘as if…’ :

Act as if you already have an A.
Act as if you already have all of the answers. 
Act as if you have already succeeded.
Act as if you already have the time, the money, the energy to do what you want to do.
Act as if you are already the person you wish to become. 

And when you do, I’m wiling to bet you’ll begin to realize you were that person all along, and already had all you need.

It’s about trust, it’s about living into the possibility, it’s about being brave.

Let me know how you’re going to act as if this week… I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below.

 

Have a FAB week!

Why I’m not setting resolutions this year…

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Happy Friday!

I’m still on a high from two back to back ‘Brave New Year, Brave New YOU!’ workshops.. one in Boston, one in Toronto.

And I have to say, they were pretty powerful.

There were laughs, there were tears, and there were some pretty brave visions and brave lists happening… and I can’t tell you how happy it makes me!

For the past five years I’ve led a workshop at this time of year called ‘Intentions, Resolutions and Goals, OH MY!’ based on the process I take myself through when starting a new year.

Well, at least the process I used to take myself through.

See, as soon as that ball drops (even before!) we’re bombarded with all we need to do in order to set the year off right. We need to craft strategies, to choose our word, to set intentions, to create big goals, to make resolutions, to form new habits, to take things on and let things go… now I don’t know about you, but I can find it all a tad overwhelming!

And so in an effort to simplify, I created a 1 – 2 – 3 plan:

Create 1 intention, make 2 resolutions, and set 3 goals.

Sounds simple enough, no?!? And actually, for quite a few years, it seemed to be working.

Until it wasn’t.

Because the truth is, of the less than 50% of the population that actually make resolutions, 25% givenup within the first week, and almost 75% within the first month!

And did you also know the average person will make the same resolution 10 years in a row?!?

What’s all that about?!?

Well, there are a lot of things at play actually. And it has to do with the fact we’re making resolutions or setting goals we feel we should do, and aren’t necessarily in alignment with our values or what we truly want. Nor do we properly set ourselves up for success.

(And on another note, my wise cousin shared something fascinating she heard in Conan O’Brien’s podcast where he was interviewing Stephen Colbert… and they were talking about the fact as Catholics they felt they had to ‘suffer’ ~ and think somehow that suffering makes us better people, and will make for a better future… and as a recovering Catholic I can totally relate!)

Life is to be lived, and to be enjoyed.

It was the anniversary of my Mum’s passing this week. It was also the anniversary of my step mother’s funeral. And then there was the awful tragedy of Ukraine Airlines Flight 752…

Life is short.

So this year, I’m not setting any resolutions. And I haven’t even set goals yet!

What I have done, however, is create my ‘Brave List.’

As you know, creating that list last year was the biggest game changer for me.
And it’s catching on.

Both the women and the men I’ve had the privilege of taking through the process of writing their own Brave Lists over the last little while are having major breakthroughs… and taking action on things they’ve wanted to do for YEARS. People are beginning to follow their dream of singing, to be present with their children, to start writing their book, to out themselves out on video, to give out their number…

Because see here’s the thing.

As soon as you write down everything that answers this question:

‘What would I do if I were braver?’ you begin to see yourself as the person who can do everything on that list. And your subconscious begins to find solutions to make it happen.

We ALL want to be braver.

And brave is not about how many resolutions we can stick to or goals we can achieve. It’s not about sacrifice, and it doesn’t have to be hard.

Brave is about living, and being more true to YOU… who you are and what you want.

Good things happen to those who are brave.

So instead of challenging you to set more intentions, resolutions or goals this year, all I have for you are two questions:

How are you going to choose to live this year? 

And more importantly, who are you going to choose to be? 

I hope you choose brave.

(And I then I hope you share ONE THING on your brave list in the comments below! 

Have a FAB week,  *|FNAME|*! 🌟

P.S. STAY TUNED… we’ve received so much positive feedback about our ‘Brave New Year, Brave New YOU’ programs, we’re going to be offering a webinar!!!

NYE in NYC… all I learned celebrating solo.

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Happy Friday!

And happy first Friday of the new year, and new decade!

Happy Friday!

And happy first Friday of the new year, and new decade!

I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one.

Maybe because I’m choosing to make it so.

(Or maybe because after spending an amazing New Year’s Eve in New York City on my own, I’m ready and up for anything!)

…

It was like the scene from The Titanic – and with not a moment to spare, I followed suit in climbing up the subway stairs and up over the barricade and rails, totally ripping my tights in the process. I landed in the sea of mayhem with literally less than 5 seconds to go before the ball dropping!

But I wanted to make it to Times Square, and by golly I was going to make it happen!

3,2,1… “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” And then the screaming began, the impressive fireworks ensued, and the colourful confetti exploded for blocks upon blocks…

Now I don’t know about you, but I always feel this pressure around New Year’s to do something epic. And this year, with it being a new decade and all, even more so.

As luck would have it, my friend in New York offered me his beautiful space as he was out of town, I managed to score a coveted reservation at the famous Gramercy Tavern, and now I was having a great time with new friends I met at the bar.

At 11:30pm, I still wasn’t sure where I was going to be for midnight. I had kindly been invited back to their local bar to watch the ball drop, but I was in New York, and felt it wrong not to at least try to get to Times Square!

So at 11:42pm, I decided to brave my way on the subway to 42nd and Broadway…

Talk about cutting it close!

I may have only been 3 stops away, but the station was overflowing with people who clearly had left it just as late as I had… running along the station platform amidst the sea of police uniforms, trying to make it to the one exit still open at the far, far end. The masses were pushing their way up those subway steps… it really was like the scene out of The Titanic.

Well, as I disclosed above, I made it out on time and alive, my ripped tights impressively the only casualty!

It was incredible.

And then began my mission to get as close as possible to where the ball dropped.

Now the poor hard working cops were doing everything to get people outta there in order to clear the streets, and weren’t letting anyone through the various blocked off sections.

But I wasn’t giving up that easy. So I made friends wherever possible, invited them into selfies, and found ways to masterfully manoeuvre my way in.

(And yes, I even planted the first few midnight smooches on police cheeks!)

I made it to the ball, I collected some confetti, and I lived to tell the tale of New Years Eve at Times Square.

Beyond the actual evening, the whole trip to one of my most fave cities was beyond what I could have imagined. And I learned a few important lessons…

Stop waiting.

I’ve wanted to go New York over New Year’s for a long time.

But I had always envisioned doing it with a group of friends, or with my partner. Well, while that may still happen one day, it wasn’t happening this year. And I got sick of waiting!

So I took action. And I’m so glad that I did. Because I had an incredible time.

You don’t have to wait for anything or anyone before you do the thing you really want to do.

You don’t have to wait to have the partner before you have the house, or the house before you have the garden, or the title before you ask for the promotion, or the fancy running shoes before you start to run.

It’s never going to be the perfect time, and you’re never going to feel ready. Stop waiting and start now, wherever you are.

Get curious.

I was running in Central Park, one of my favourite activities to do whenever I’m in New York. And I normally carefully choose my routes in advance. Normally I have a plan.

But this particular morning was different.

I began to follow my route, when I was somehow pulled in a different direction. I decided to put away my phone, and go with the flow instead.

I went down different paths, ran around the various ponds, and took a photo in front of the Hans Christian Anderson statue.

At some point I realized I’d been at it quite a while, and probably needed to think about heading back. So I checked in and realized I was almost at the complete other side of the park than where I had started – and it’s a big park!

Well, I eventually made it back… but not without running past the skating rink, through the children’s zoo, and ending up in the dog park, getting chased by some adorable puppies.

Instead of being tied to my initial plan, I discovered a way more interesting path. I was able to get curious, go with the flow, and notice all that was happening around me. I was able to be fully present.

It got me thinking about other areas of my life and my business. While sometimes it’s important to have a plan, sometimes it’s beneficial to play observer, get curious, and be open to different paths.

Let go of expectation.

One of the reasons I wanted to get away to New York in the first place was because, well, as much as I like an excuse for celebration, New Year’s seems to come with huge expectation for an incredible experience… and that’s a lot of pressure!

And when single, the pressure and expectation only seem to increase.

So I decided to get away, and because I had never been to NYC over NYE, I thought why not make it happen?! And I had no expectation other than to go with the flow, be present, and make my own fun.

And I certainly did that!

When I first shared with some folks my plan, I was met with mixed reactions.

Some thought it was sad, many said I was brave.

Well, if you call taking action on something you’ve always wanted to do brave, then perhaps I was.

But for me, it was more about the experience, the adventure, and ringing in the new decade my way.

And I want to do more of that this year.
And these lessons play a role.

So I invite you to stop waiting, get curious, and let go of expectation.

Say yes to all that excites you, enjoy the journey, and make friends with strangers along the way.

🎉 🌟 HAPPY 2020, *|FNAME|*! 🌟 🎉