Carol Schulte

Get your /BRĀV/ on

keynote speaker

Platinum Is The New Black.

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Happy Friday! (and happy Black Fri-YAY to boot for those choosing to partake!) 

I don’t have any special discounts, super deals, or BOGO offers for you today. (#sorrynotsorry!) And let’s be honest, you’re likely already bursting at the seams with deals galore of stuff you just don’t need. 

What I DO have for you today, however, is worth far more than any crazy Black Friday savings imaginable.

It’s called The Platinum Rule. 

And I was reminded of just how powerful this rule is while reading and editing my friend and fellow speaker, Jessica Pettit’s book: Good Enough Now. (It’s about to go into its second edition printing, and it’s an amazing read! So stay tuned… I’ll be sure to keep you posted as to when it’s available for the public!) 

Now perhaps you’re familiar with the Golden Rule, which states:

“Do unto others as you would like done unto you.” 

While this rule sounds good in theory, it doesn’t actually make a lot of sense.

Why?

Because what you like, how you work, and the things that make you tick, are going to be different than for me. 

So if I want to show you I care, give you the time and attention you deserve, and treat you with respect, then it doesn’t make sense to do unto you as I would like you to do unto me, now does it?!? 

Enter in, The Platinum Rule, which states:

“Do unto others as THEY would like done unto them.”

Now that makes way more sense if you think about it! It’s not about how WE want to be treated, it’s about how THEY want to be treated…

Now luckily, we are all different – as this is one of the things that keeps life exciting!

And yet if our default is to treat others the way we’d like to be treated, sometimes we may fall short.

While the intention no doubt comes from the right place, sometimes it may not land as we’d expect. And that’s because we are not considering The Platinum Rule.

(If you’d like to learn more about it, check out Dave Kerpen’s book, The Art of People.)

It’s one of the reasons I love and follow the Five Love Languages (another great read by Gary Chapman… you can also learn more or take the quiz HERE.) It was a game changer when I first came across it while studying Interpersonal Communication at University many moons ago – and still refer to it on a regular basis today.

The idea here is that each of us has one or two prominent love languages – and we most often GIVE love the way we’d like to RECEIVE love. Again, makes sense. However chances are our partner (or friend, or family member, or colleague…) has a different dominant love language than we do. And so you can only imagine how in relationships, all too often there is love expressed which does not equate to love felt – simply because people are not speaking the same language!

It really does come back The Platinum Rule.

We really need to consider the other person before ourselves. Especially if we want to reach them, meaningfully connect with them, and have our intentions land as they were, well, intended.

So as we begin to approach the excitement (and craziness!) of the holiday season, let’s be mindful of the power of The Platinum Rule: “Do unto others as THEY would like done unto them.”

Here are three ways you can put this rule into practice in the coming weeks:

  1. Create a list of the special people in your life you are planning on giving some type of gift to – be it homemade, store bought, or an experience. Then take a moment to think about what makes them tick. Think about what they would truly appreciate. Often we assume we need to spoil those we love with fancy gifts… NOT the case! I have some friends in my life who would much prefer a deep conversation over a nice meal or a glass of wine than a cashmere scarf. 
  1. Commit to learning something new about someone in your life – whether a coworker or an acquaintance – every day for 5 days. I bet there are people you see almost daily, and yet don’t know their favourite colour, their guilty pleasure, or their go-to chocolate bar! Get curious, and your relationships will reach whole new levels. 
  1. Choose to take on the idea ‘There are no such things as strangers, only friends you haven’t met.’ And in this way, be the first to acknowledge, to say hello to, and to see the people you come into contact with on a regular basis. Perhaps it’s the barista who makes you your coffee, the person you share an elevator with, your uber driver. People are FASCINATING. And when you actually take a moment to truly see them, to ask them something about themselves, to listen to their story, you will make their day and yours. 

I guarantee you – far more powerful than any deal you will ever steal online or in store, is the ability to truly connect with the people in your life. Friends, family, and strangers alike. 

And isn’t that what this time of year is all about?!?

I hope you take on one of these ideas above… and I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below!

 

It’s time to push past the procrastination and self-sabotage.

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Happy Friday!

I’m going to get real with you today… it’s been one of those days, one of those weeks! 

I mean, it’s lots of good stuff ~ some very exciting things happening, some very unexpected things happening ~ but as a result I’ve been running around like a bit of a crazy chicken and can’t quite seem to catch my breath!

I just got off of a call with my ADHD coach (yup, I said it! I was formally diagnosed by a psychiatrist 10 months ago now… although not sure how open with you I’ve been about it all?!? Well I have it, and can certainly see how it manifests in my life… and so I’m now working with a coach to implement strategies to help make up for my lack of executive functioning capabilities!) And he challenged me to take a different approach to this week’s Happy Friday. It’s after 6pm on Friday, and I was challenged to be complete by 7pm, so I could make time for my first proper meal of the day, and have a relaxing evening. 

SO, I’m taking that one, and going to simply share what I posted this morning on facebook, which explains a bit about where I’m at!

“So the Facebook prompt is always: What’s On Your Mind?

Well, glad you asked! Here’s what is currently on my mind…

I haven’t been sleeping well this week! I’m waking up way before my alarm – like 5am or 6am – which is ridiculously early for me. (Now I know for many of you this may be normal – but not this girl! I’m a natural night owl… anytime before midnight and I’m winning 🤣!)

Why? I’m both totally excited AND totally anxious…

😃 I’m excited because I have the honour of now being one of the speakers competing in the Grand Slam!

😳 I’m anxious because I have the honour of now being one of the speakers competing in the Grand Slam! (and… because I was a last minute addition after one of the participants had to withdraw from the event, and chose me to replace him, I haven’t even finished writing my speech!)

 

😃 I’m excited because I have an opportunity to inspire and impact 600 people at the event – and maybe even more beyond.

😳 I’m anxious because I have an opportunity to inspire and impact 600 people at the event – and maybe even more beyond.

 

😃 I’m excited because there are some incredible prizes at stake… I mean speaking on the Archangel Stage next year?!? WHAT?!? And being on Goal Cast? Yes please! And those are only a few…

😳 I’m anxious because there are some incredible prizes at stake… I mean speaking on the Archangel Stage next year?!? WHAT?!? And being on Goal Cast? Yes please! And those are only a few…

 

😃 I’m excited because I get to share the stage with some incredibly inspiring people.

😘 I’m anxious because I get to share the stage with (and therefore compete against) some incredibly inspiring people.

and I could go on…

Now it makes sense physiologically… excitement and anxiety actually produce the same reactions in the brain and the body – they are both aroused emotions. (look up “anxious reappraisal” if you wanna learn how to turn the latter into the former… and check out this past blog post where I write all about it)

But how it’s manifesting for me right now, is procrastinating on writing the darn speech in the first place… which isn’t helping!

Here’s the thing. If you’re a procrastinator like me, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy. Or don’t care. Quite the opposite, in fact. It’s when I care a LOT, and want it be amazing, to be perfect, that I put it off… OR, I self sabotage. I don’t give myself enough time to properly prepare, to give it my all, so I have an ‘out’ just in case.

Well, perfect doesn’t exist. And it only has an opportunity to be amazing if I actually write the thing!

Let’s push through our excitement and anxiety and procrastination and self-sabotage together.

Whatever that thing is for you – let’s GET HER DONE! I could use the accountability… 🙏!

So, wish me luck. And know that I am cheering you on, too! 🙌

(Oh, and if you wanna come out and support all of these incredible speakers for the Grand Slam next Wednesday, you are TOTALLY invited! Grab your ticket 🎫 before they’re all gone! It’s gonna be an AWESOME and inspiring evening… AND I HAVE A FEW SEATS LEFT IN A DESIGNATED SECTION (Carol’s cheering squad?!? HA! And a HUGE thanks to all of my special peeps who are already in… means more than you know! So message me if you want one!!! 😉)

 

So, there you have it. Can you relate? Have you ever experienced excitement and anxiety at the same time? Or procrastination and self-sabotage? Or perhaps like me, all at the same time? If so, CONGRATS! You are HUMAN! I’d love to hear what resonated with you, and how you’re going to get your brave on with respect to pushing through whatever that ‘thing’ for you is this week!

I look forward to hearing from you in the comments below!

Have a FAB week!

P.S. Here is the link to grab your ticket to Grand Slam! (OR reply to this email, as I may still have 1 or 2 left in my reserved section!)

P.P.S. Are you ready to GET YOUR BRĀV ON?!? Come and join us at Pursuit OCR on Nov 28th where you’ll learn what it means to get in your B.R.A.V.E. Zone, and then we’ll put it into practice in the 30,000 sqft of awesomeness at this indoor playground!

How to be more productive (it’s not what you think!)

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Happy Friday!

Last week, I had a very enjoyable coffee with my oldest and dearest friend from middle school. In the middle of the work day no less.

[Cue gasp here.]

Now it’s not as if it was an indulgent 3-hour coffee by any means – in fact we still had our beverages in our hands when we parted ways. But it was just enough to get our fix, and have both of us leaving on a high.

And then on my drive home, I questioned how ‘productive’ I was being with my time… and was kinda wanting to judge myself, beat myself up.

But I didn’t.

Because here’s the thing. Often my default pattern is to compare my productivity to the folks that seem to have books published within weeks, new courses launched at the drop of a hat, and manage to keep their inboxes under 50 at all times.

That will NEVER be me! And so it’s time to stop judging myself or somehow making myself wrong for not being a hustling, no-nonsense, head down, task-focused, content-producing machine.

In fact, it’s time to redefine what it means to be productive in the first place.

According to the dictionary, productive is an adjective to describe one’s ability to produce large amounts of goods, crops, or other commodities.

I actually think productive should be an adjective to describe one’s ability to spend time on meaningful work, in fulfilling moments, and in producing large amounts of joy.

That means your definition is going to depend on what matters to you, what is meaningful to you, and what brings you joy.

And a lot of that is going to depend on your values.

So here are some questions you can ask yourself in order to gain some clarity on your values, and therefore what will help you to be more productive.

  • When you are ‘in the zone’ or catch yourself in a moment of total bliss, where you lose all concept of time and space, what are you doing?
  • What are your 3-5 non-negotiables?
  • Which words would your closest friends use to describe you?
  • What do you stand for?
  • What brings you joy?

For me, I place a high value on people, connection, and relationships. I also place a high importance on living in and enjoying the present moment. And so sharing a cup of tea or java, while in deep and meaningful conversation with someone I care about, is arguably a very productive use of my time!

I used to lie in bed at night, and in my head go through all I had accomplished in my day – how many tasks I had checked off – ready to give myself either a pat on the back, or a kick in the butt. And I let that determine whether it was a ‘good’ day or not.

But that’s not what it’s about!

It’s not about how many things you may have checked off on your to-do list, if you’re not lying in bed with a smile on your face and feeling content with your day.

It’s time to redefine what it means to be productive. And it’s going to be different for you than it is for me. So enough comparing or adopting others’ definitions for our own… especially if it’s going to make you feel bad!

This week, I challenge you to be brave enough to be productive, on YOUR terms. And then I want to hear how it goes OVER ON THE BLOG! 

(OH, and as I was looking at past blogs to see what I had previously written about this topic it turns out I spoke about this very idea on this day last year… I even did a video! Check it out HERE.)

 

Have a FAB week!

 

P.S. It’s time to Get Your Brave On! Join us at Pursuit OCR where we’ll learn how to get into your B.R.A.V.E. Zone ~ and then put it into practice at this indoor playground – think 30,000 sq ft of awesome! 

P.P.S. We are now booking speaking engagements and training opportunities into 2020… if you’d like to explore how we could introduce brave leadership to your group or organization, let’s hop on the phone!

Let’s talk. (How to engage in brave communication, and why it matters.)

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Let’s talk.

You needn’t ask me twice! I love talking, I love telling stories, I love sharing.

It’s no wonder I speak for a living!

But it’s not always about me (promise!) as I love being in conversation even more. And I truly believe there isn’t anything that can’t be solved through communication. 

The problem is, we don’t always communicate as effectively as possible.

Have you ever avoided a difficult discussion for longer than you’d like to admit? Or perhaps you’ve ‘put off’ that conversation until you had more time (which, let’s be honest, never happens!) Ever felt like that person should be able to read your mind, or just doesn’t get it, or get you?

There are a number of reasons we don’t always talk as effectively as we could. And yet here’s the truth:

The quality of your life is directly related to the quality of your communication.

Although a bit of a bold statement, it’s also true. 

How we communicate affects all of our relationships, it impacts how we advance in our work and careers, and it plays an important role in our own sense of joy and fulfilment. 

And while I certainly believe all challenges can be solved through communication, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s always easy!

Far from it, actually. 

And yet, the braver we are, the greater the reward. 

This week was full of evidence to prove that. 

On Tuesday evening I attended an event with Women Of Influence that showcased a panel of experts to talk about some pretty important topics: ageism, fertility, and mental health, and how they show up in the workplace. There were some tough truths revealed, and there was certainly some uncomfortable wriggling around in seats!

Over the weekend a very good friend of mine invited me to have an ‘awkward conversation’ about something that had happened and how it made her feel. I was tempted to get defensive even before we began, but instead chose to be open and ready, and made a commitment to listen without judgement. We created a space where we could share honestly and vulnerably with one another, and what transpired was not awkward at all, but instead pretty darn powerful. 

And a few days ago, I got my brave on and shared with a client about the fact I’m going to be freezing my eggs (EEK, just did it again! NOT easy to admit openly!) and because the actual timing of things can’t be predicted in advance, there was a possibility of overlap with a training session previously confirmed. A pretty vulnerable share, and yet she was so appreciative of my willingness to be open, was extremely supportive, and we simply found another date. 

Difficult conversations can be, well, difficult. And yet they are so important.

And we need to get braver with respect to speaking up. With respect to advocating for ourselves, asking for what we need and want, and with respect to those tough, awkward conversations.

Ultimately, we all want to be able to perform at our best, and feel as fulfilled as possible at work and in life. And sometimes that’s going to require you to practice braver communication… in how you use your own voice, and also how to listen to others. Because you are both giving and receiving in any effective conversation. 

Here are some ideas to get your brave on with respect to your communication this week:

 

Ask questions. Be curious. Don’t make assumptions. 

We don’t necessarily know how another person – be it a colleague or a close friend or a family member – is feeling. And making assumptions sets us up for all kinds of miscommunication and misunderstanding. So get in the practice of active listening, and without judgement. 

 

Be honest. Be raw. Be vulnerable.

When you are open and honest about what you’re thinking, feeling, experiencing… it invites the other person in. And it gives them permission to do the same. Be brave enough to be a role model. Be brave enough to be the first. Be brave enough to be real. 

 

Practice more compassion. Exercise more empathy. 

Whatever the discussion, do your best to place yourself in the other person’s shoes. Try to imagine why they may be feeling the way they do, or why they have that perspective. Sometimes that may mean simply providing space for someone to vent. People want to be heard, they want to be acknowledged, and they want to matter. And it’s the greatest gift you can give someone. 

 

We all strive for deeper human connection. And one of the most powerful ways to get there is through our communication. More specifically, through our brave communication. 

So this week, I challenge you to be more curious, more vulnerable, more compassionate. And I challenge you to have a courageous conversation (you know, that one you’ve been putting off for way more than enough time now?!?) with someone you care about. And then I want to hear how it goes in the comments below!

 

Have a FAB week!

P.S. We are now booking speaking engagements and training opportunities into 2020… if you’d like to explore how we could bring this idea of brave communication, or brave leadership to your group or organization, let’s hop on the phone!  

It’s time to be ALL IN.

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So I had this big audition, fresh after graduating from theatre school, to win a coveted spot in the Stratford Festival’s actor-in-training program. Now in case you’re not familiar, The Stratford Festival is one of the most famous theatre festivals in all of Canada. And if you want to perform classical theatre, it is thee theatre company to belong to. Landing a spot in their training school means there’s a pretty good chance you’ll also land a spot on the roster for their upcoming season.

Now I wanted to get in of course, but didn’t really believe I had a chance. And so instead of working really hard for it, I did the opposite. 

It was homecoming weekend, and the night before the audition there was this party. So I convinced myself I would be ‘good,’ only drop in for a little bit, have a drink or two, and then leave early enough I still had the evening to prep for my big audition. I asked my parents to pick me up at either 8 or 9pm, can’t remember now, so I wouldn’t be tempted to stay any later. They very kindly obliged, however at that point I was already a few glasses of wine in. Who’s kidding who, there was no way I was in a place to properly rehearse that night! And I didn’t. I crashed early instead (should have just stayed partying!) In my attempt to do both – both party and prepare – I ended up doing neither.

And yes, if you’re thinking I shouldn’t have left it so last minute in the first place, you’d be right. Procrastination was another pattern I seemed to be pretty good at. Especially when stuff was really important. 

So the next morning arrives and I drive to the big audition. I practice my lines in my head, I wear my Shakespearean skirt, and I sit patiently in the hallway with all of the other hopefuls… all sizing one another up and down. 

My name was finally called, and I take a big breath in as I walk to the centre of the room. I try to ground my feet inside my character shoes on the floor, state my name, and begin my monologue. 

I’m less than two lines in, and it happens. 

The thing all actors dread. 

I freeze. 

I stop mid-sentence, and completely blank on my lines. 

Now if this were a modern piece of text, I may have been able to add lib or fumble my way through at least a few words until I found my way back. With Shakespeare’s poetry and and rhyming iambic pentameter, it’s a little more difficult. 

So I stood there for what seemed like an eternity, until I simply couldn’t bear it any longer, and did what you are NEVER supposed to do in an audition: I broke character, I apologized, and I walked out. 

Yup. For the first (but only!) time in my acting career, I TOTALLY bombed the audition, was completely mortified, and never again attempted Shakespearean theatre.

Now you and I both know the issue wasn’t about the audition at all.

The problem was my mindset and preparation – or lack there of – going into it.

I was clearly not all in!

Being ‘ALL IN’ means you’re going full steam ahead for something. It means you fully believe in something and you’re going all the way. It means you’re willing to sacrifice whatever it takes in order to get what you want or where you want to go. 

When you’re all in on something, your eye is on the prize. There is no room for second guessing. There is no turning back. 

When you’re all in on something, there is no plan B. 

I hate to admit the number of times I’ve been way less than all in on something, in case it didn’t work out. The number of times I’ve self-sabotaged myself. Because if I do give my all, and it doesn’t work out, then I’ll be even more disappointed. And I’ll have failed. 

But the truth is, I’m going to be way more disappointed in the long run if I don’t set myself up for my greatest success, if I don’t allow myself to give it all I’ve got, even if I do fail. Because going all in, whether it works out or it doesn’t, is better than half assing it, or even worse never trying at all.

Instead of having your toe dipped halfway in the pool, or too many toes tipped in too many pools, it may be time to go all in on one thing. On something. 

What if it doesn’t work? That’s okay! At least you tried… and failure is a necessary step along the path to success.

And moreover, what if it DOES work?!?

It’s time to go ALL IN. To be all in. 

Not sure what it takes? Here are three steps: 

 

1. COMMIT

I had a total shift in perspective this week, when my amazing mentor shared why he didn’t believe in goals, targets, aims and objectives. At first I was quite disheartened – I love setting goals! – but then he went on to explain so long as we’re only aiming for something, and we fall short, it’s okay. He gave an example of a company who ‘aimed to be ethical.’ I got it. It almost gives you an out, doesn’t it?!? But if you COMMIT to something, it becomes way more powerful. It becomes real. When you’re ready and willing to seriously commit, to put a stake in the ground, by golly you’ll make sure it happens. 

2. PRIORITIZE

If you’re really serious about being all in on something, there are going to be other things that will have to go. You just can’t do it all (at least not all at the same time!) And as my wise theatre school director once said, in her beautiful British accent, “There will ALWAYS be another party!” It’s true. There will always be more parties, more opportunities, more distractions. They’re not going anywhere any time soon, so don’t worry!

3. PERSIST 

One of the dominant themes I’ve been hearing recently from thought leaders and super successful folks, is that if you want something bad enough, you just have to keep going. An overnight success is at least 10 years in the making. So if you REALLY want something – whatever it is – keep at it. Don’t stop, even if it doesn’t work the first, the second, even the tenth try. Heck, the lightbulb took over 10,000 attempts! It’s not about how many times you fall down, it’s about how many times you’re willing to get back up. (yeah, yeah, cliché, but true!) 

 

You’re never going to know what you’re truly capable of until you go all in. 

And it’s time. 

 

This week, I dare you to get your brave on and go all in. On something. One thing. An action, a belief, a desire. And then be prepared to commit, prioritize, and persist. You’ve got this! 

I can’t wait to hear all of your brave commitments in the comments below! I’m cheering you on…

Have a FAB week!

 

What sucking at sexy dancing can teach you.

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SO, it turns out I'm more of a not-so-sexy sexy dancer...

 

Oh man was I uncomfortable!

I mean, that was part of the reason I signed up in the first place, but I kind of forgot just how uncomfortable it feels to feel uncomfortable. 

It was week two in my new Army of Sass dance group (Remember when I shared I was going to sign up for a new dance class, that had a recital after 10 weeks?!? Yeah, that one. I’m not sure what I was thinking!) 

So our fireball of an instructor yells out ‘Groups!’ 

And all of sudden it’s time to showcase not only the new section of choreography we’ve just learned, but the whole number from the top, with music.

She proceeds to count and point ‘1,2,3, 1,2,3…’ while going around the room. I tried as best as possible to avoid eye contact and literally hide in the corner. (Not sure how I thought she would miss me, but I was really hoping she would!)

Turns out she found me… and pointed at me as she said ‘1!’

Just my luck.

I didn’t want to do it at all, and now I’m expected to be in group one?!?

I did not have the steps down.

I was not feeling confident!

And I was certainly not ready to be watched and scrutinised by others… who all seemed to be okay, if not excited for this craziness!

So when she called group one and the ladies began to take their places on the studio floor, I didn’t move. I simply pretended it wasn’t my group.

You’re so smart Carol! You totally dodged a bullet there. Well done. After all, no one would know what group I was in, and I could simply keep sitting in the audience inconspicuously.

Group one went. 

There was clapping and cheering. 

I felt a bit guilty, but better than being uncomfortable!

Then group two was called.

I stayed put. 

They, too, seemed to know what they were doing. 

More clapping and cheering. 

Group three was called. 

I stayed put. 

Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t like not being good at something, let alone pretty bad! I don’t love feeling totally uncomfortable, or embarrassed. And this is exactly what I was feeling. So of course I didn’t want to move! Makes sense, right?!?

And then all of a sudden I heard this voice of reason inside of me begin speaking…

Carol, how can you expect to empower others to be braver when you’re not even doing it yourself?

So I got up, found a spot on the floor, and committed to trying my best. 

And I did. 

Did I remember all of the steps? Not even close. 

Did I add in some extra sassy, sexy personality? I wish!

It was no doubt evident all over my face I was concentrating extremely intently, desperately trying to remember what I could of this choreo. And the ability to also make it look sexy and cool and effortless? Yeah, I wasn’t quite there yet.

But what I did do, was my best. 

I showed up. 

And sometimes, that is more than enough. 

And you know what? 

I made it through and I didn’t die! (I may have wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear forever, mind you!) 

And I’m proud I did. 

After all, It’s not about getting the steps right, it’s about showing up on the studio floor in the first place. Just like it’s never about whether you get the raise or promotion or not, it’s about you using your voice to ask for what you want at all.

It’s okay to not be great at something. In fact, that is the only way you are going to learn and grow! And as Carol Dweck says, we all need to adopt the Growth Mindset if we want to achieve new heights and reach our big goals.

It’s uncomfortable to be uncomfortable.

I get it. 

But life isn’t always about being comfortable. Nor is it about being good at everything you do (especially when it’s the first time you’re doing it!) 

Sometimes it’s about trying new things, stretching yourself, and pushing yourself beyond what you thought possible.

Life is about growth. 

And comfort and growth cannot co-exist. 

When was the last time you did something a little out of your comfort zone, stretched yourself a little bit? When was the last time you got a little bit uncomfortable?

This week I challenge you to do just that. 

Here are some ideas:

  • Sign up for a drop-in class or an event of sorts you’ve never done before ~ be it zumba, painting, or pole. 
  • Say yes to taking on a project or an initiative that you want to say no to, for fear of not knowing what you’re doing 
  • Schedule some time in your calendar to face that thing you’ve been avoiding for far too long now
  • Do a brain dump of activities and/or situations that kinda scare you… and then choose one to take on 

I dare you to get your brave on and do something uncomfy this week! And then I want to hear all about in the comments below.

Now I may never be the world’s greatest sexy dancer in heels.

But if I show up at that recital in 8 weeks and I do the dance – even if I don’t get all of the steps right – I’m still growing, and I’m still winning. 

 

Have a FAB week!