Carol Schulte

Get your /BRĀV/ on

women's leadership

It’s Time To Kick Comparison To The Curb (5 ways to do just that!)

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Happy Friday!

This past week, I had my 20-year high school reunion. 

I know!

But you know what? It actually ended up being quite a fun evening. And even more fun was the debrief brunch with my closest high school girlfriends the next morning!

Twenty years is both a long time, and yet in some ways it was as though no time had passed at all (well, almost!)

While there were one or two who were almost unrecognizable, most hadn’t changed a hair. Our conversations had though – we were now talking about kids and real life issues – instead of cute boys and tough teachers!

I’m not going to lie, I was a little apprehensive going into it. And I know I wasn’t the only one. 

Discussions I had with a few before the event confirmed we were all thinking similar things:

  • Will I measure up? 
  • Have I made something of my life? Or enough of my life? 
  • Am I ageing well? (no joke!) 

What it really comes down to? Wondering whether we can feel good enough about where we are. We’re ultimately comparing ourselves, and our lives, to those of others.

The ironic thing is, we are ALL doing it!

It’s kind of silly if you think about it. 

So much has happened in those twenty years… who knows where one’s life experiences or events have taken them. Who knows what unexpected turn of events took place. Who knows what’s really going on underneath the surface (spoiler alert, you and I both know it’s rarely as it seems!)

Comparison is the thief of all joy. 

It really is!

I know I’ve suffered from it before, and I’m pretty sure you have, too. We’re human after all. But I really think it’s high time we kick it to the curb, once and for all. 

Here are five tips to ensure you don’t catch a case of comparisonitis this Fall!

 

Don’t look at your everyday life next to someone else’s highlight reel

It’s really easy to make assumptions and judgements based on what it looks like on the surface… don’t be fooled! When we compare our day to day with the highlights we see on social media or on the outside, we’re doomed to be left feeling less than. Think about the last time you got all glammed up for something, or took a stellar vacation. I bet people were looking at your fancy life they same way you do others! Nothing is as it seems… at least not all of the time. And remember, perception is reality (even though it isn’t.) 

 

Stop comparing your beginning to someone else’s middle or end

It’s just ridiculous to look at someone who has been running marathons for years and then tell ourselves we’re not fit. It’s not fair to look at someone who has been working in their career for 20+ years and feel we haven’t achieved anything when we’re only a few years in. And it’s pointless for someone who has been in business for decades to somehow make us feel we’re not where we could or should be!

 

Ask yourself if you’re willing to trade in the whole picture

Unless you are willing to change 100% of your life, for 100% of the life of the person you are comparing yourself to, it’s not fair! You can’t simply pick and choose the parts that appear glamorous and amazing. It doesn’t work like that. Chances are when you consider the whole picture, you may actually want to stay exactly where you are.

Check in With Your Values

On more than one occasion I’ve caught myself feeling badly at my output – my productivity – compared with someone else’s. And yet how I define productivity and how you define productivity may be very different. Moreover, I may not even value productivity as highly as that other person does! I value connection and relationships a lot, so it’s not uncommon for me to be spending a lot of my time with people, instead of cranking it out at my desk. So it just doesn’t make sense to compare. Identify what your top values are. Once you are clear about what matters most to you, you’ll be less likely to compare to someone who values something that isn’t even as important to you!

Take a Moment to Acknowledge Where You’re At

Take a moment to acknowledge all you have, all of the choices you have made to get you here, and everything you have in your life worth celebrating. Write a gratitude list, a celebration list, or reach out to some of your closest friends and ask them to share some of the things they love about you. Pop open some bubbly or sparkling water and take a moment to cheers to YOU. 

It’s time to kick comparison to the curb. 

We’re all doing it ~ yet it really is the thief of all joy!

I dare you to be brave enough to stop comparing yourself to anyone else this week, and to start loving where you’re at. And, if there is something that’s no longer working for you, that you’re simply sick of tolerating, or that you’re ready to change, let’s JUMP ON A CALL to figure it out together!

And of course, I’d love to hear WHICH of these 5 ideas you’re going to put into practice this week in the comments below!

 

Have a FAB week!

Done Is Better Than Perfect

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I want to be clear for a second here. 

Simply because I preach about the idea of being braver, doesn’t mean I have it all figured out. 

I preach what I am practicing myself. 

And being brave enough to move beyond perfection is one of those things I’m still working on. 

On Monday, it was #wethenorth day. Well over two million people attended the parade and the celebrations that ensued at our famous Nathan Phillips Square downtown Toronto in honour of the NBA Champions our amazing Raptors! (I still have FOMO as I write these words!) 

Instead of being a part of the festivities, I was at Starbucks working on my powerpoint presentation for a talk I’m giving in Las Vegas at the annual SHRM convention next week. 

Now the deck was almost complete, and yet I was making tweaks here and there, changing the sizes of fonts, switching some of the graphics. Really, I was fiddling unnecessarily.

Why? 


In that moment I allowed my inner recovering perfectionist to come out. I didn’t feel it was ‘perfect’ enough.

As a result, I missed out on a day to go down in history.

And ummm, I LOVE parades! 

Here’s the thing, I am STILL making changes to that presentation, and likely will up until the day before I present.

Is it going to get closer to being perfect the more I work on it?

What does perfection even mean, anyway?

Funny you should ask. 

Here is the definition:

per·fec·tion

/pərˈfekSH(ə)n/

Noun
the condition, state, or quality of being entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings

How is that even possible?!?

I don’t know about you, but it seems a pretty tall order to be entirely without any flaws, defects, or shortcomings. Especially when it comes to something we want to create, the job we are hoping to land, the regular workout routine we want to stick to, the loving relationship we are striving for. How can anything when it comes to real people’s actions and behaviours be without any flaws… I mean we’re human after all, right?

And yet, unfortunately perfectionism is what prevents far too many women from starting the thing before they feel ready, going after the job they really want, doing the thing that really scares them. 

What’s more, far too many women take pride in being perfectionists! They wear it as a badge of honour. And if we’re talking about being braver, as I’ve written and spoken about before, perfectionism is one of the biggest bravery killers! 

Of course we are going to make mistakes every now and again. It’s how we learn. And quite frankly, life would be pretty boring if everyone had everything figured out all of the time!

And so, instead of aiming for perfection – which is an ideal that doesn’t even exist and therefore will inevitably evoke disappointment anyhow – let’s instead be okay with a little bit of imperfection.

Fellow speaker and friend Jessica Pettit is in town from California right now and staying with me. Her company is called ‘Good Enough Now’ (Now if perfection did exist, that name would be it!) Over the past few days we’ve had some very interesting conversations on this very subject. 

Maybe along our journey to be perfect we’ve forgotten to be real, to be human, and to recognise we are good enough now, exactly as we are. 

My presentation is good enough now.

The project you are working on right now is good enough now.

YOU are good enough now. 

Moreover, imperfect action is better than no action at all. 

And done is better than perfect!

Have you been putting off taking that first step for fear of it not being perfect, or you not being perfect?

Have you been procrastinating completing that project or thing in case it is not perfect? 

Have you been stuck in perfectionist paralysis instead of trying the something you’ve been thinking about and might end up really loving, or sharing the thing with the world that may really make a difference?

I just did a once over of my presentation, and I’ve decided I will not be making any more changes to it. 

It is good enough now.

And indeed done is better than perfect. 

What is something you are currently working on that is also good enough now? How are you going to apply ‘done is better than perfect’ to something this week? I want to hear from you in the comments below.

Have a FAB week!


Is it Time For a Little Cheerleadership in Your Life?

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Happy Friday!

And, ummm, I only feel it apropos to say a HUGE congratulations to The Toronto Raptors for bringing home the NBA championship for the first time in history! YAHOO!!!

Wow… 

I can still hear the echoes of the honking and the screaming and the chanting and the cheering that took place well into the wee hours of the morning.

I did watch the exciting game, and had no choice but to venture out into the streets to make my way home… and ended up getting caught in the masses for longer than intended.

The streets were packed! And people were everywhere.

Although if I’m honest I didn’t really mind having to walk through the craziness. In fact, I quite enjoyed the energy, the buzz, the celebration. 

The whole city was coming together to cheer and to celebrate the hard work and the final win of Canada’s NBA team, our beloved Raptors. They were the true definition of a high performance team, and no one can argue they were truly deserving of the title.

Throughout the season, and especially during the playoffs, this city – and country at large – somehow came together, and we were cheering for a common cause. And it was powerful. 

Sometimes I think I missed my calling. 

Without wanting to brag or boast, I’m pretty sure I would’ve made a pretty amazing cheerleader! 

I wouldn’t have liked the outfits, but I do love me a good cheer (and luckily I find ample excuses to bring them out ~ especially my all time fave, the banana cheer!) 

Yet in all seriousness, there is something powerful about the idea of cheerleading, and what it represents. 

I’m even working on a concept called cheerleadership, as I think a very big and important part of leadership is lifting up and championing those around you. 

Yesterday I had the honour of attending the WNORTH conference in Toronto – for female leaders in the corporate world. As they described it, a global gathering of women on the rise. And it was an inspiring and impactful day. 

One of the panels was on sponsorship. They explored the differences between mentorship and sponsorship, and had a conversation around why sponsorship is so critical especially for women who want to advance in their careers. 

According to a Gallop survey, when you have someone at work who has your back, who you can trust, and who will support you – you are happier, more productive, and the organization also ultimately benefits. 

We all need champions and cheerleaders in our life. 

And we can all be champions and cheerleaders for each other, as well as for ourselves. And we need to be.

So I shall keep it short and sweet this week, and leave you with these three questions to ponder.

  1. Who do I know that I could be a cheerleader for?
  2. Do I need more cheerleaders in my life? And if so, who do I know that would make a good cheerleader for me?
  4. How can I be a better cheerleader for myself?

Perhaps it’s time to get your BRĀV on and start shaking those pom poms!

May you continue to celebrate the Raptors big win this weekend, and may you continue to find reasons and people to cheer on this week!

Carol 

Reflections on The Regrets of the Dying…

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T

Do you know the most common regret of the dying?  “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

Bronnie Ware spent years working in palliative care, caring for patients at the end of their lives. She wrote an incredibly moving article – which has now become a best-selling memoir – entitled ‘Regrets of The Dying.’ And her experiences and findings are moving, thought provoking, powerful.

If you haven’t already read this article, you need to. And even if you haven’t yet, I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve read or heard or thought about the shift in perspective that takes place when people are facing the end of their lives. (And if you really want to be moved, check out The Last Lecture with Randy Pausch, it’s also pretty darn powerful…)

Not to go all morbid on you or anything, but one day you and I will be in this exact situation, looking back on our life and reflecting on how we chose to spend it. 

And I really hope neither one of us will have any of the following most common regrets that came up:

  1. I wish I had lived a life true to myself, instead of one others expected of me.
  2. I wish I had worked less.
  3. I wish I had allowed myself to be fully self-expressed.
  4. I wish I had stayed better in touch with my friends. 
  5. I wish I had allowed myself to be happier.

Sharing vulnerably here, one of my own biggest challenges is living my life true to me. Not only because of others’ expectations, or others’ expectations I have chosen to take on, but also because of the expectations I have placed on myself. 

Yup, I thought I would be in a very different place in my life right now. 

I thought I’d be married. Have a couple of kids. A dog. Maybe even a house with a white picket fence. (Actually, I’ve never really wanted a white picket fence, but I did want a front porch with a swing… still do!) 

And yet, I have very few regrets with how I have chosen to live my life up to now. 

And I hope it remains that way for the rest of my life.

But in order for that to happen, I have to live my life my way. I have to be me, and attempt to be even more me every single day. 

I had a conversation with my female entrepreneurial mastermind recently, and one of the wise women shared with us her daily goal that sits on a sticky note on her bedside table:

To be authentically me in a world that is constantly wanting me to be something else. 

YES.

It may sound simple, but it’s definitely not easy. 

And yet, to me, that is what being brave is all about. 

Brave enough to be YOU.

To show up in the fullest expression of YOU. 

Boldly, bravely, unapologetically YOU.

Not trying to be anything other than you, for anyone. No pleasing. No pretending. No pretence. 

What would that look like?

What would you be doing that you’re not doing now?

What would you not be doing that you’re doing right now?

How would you be feeling?

How would you be spending your time?

Who would you be spending your time with?

What fears would you be facing?

What dreams would you be dreaming? 

What dreams would you be fulfilling?

What one action would you be taking today to move the dial forward in the direction of your dreams? 

And if you can identify that one piece of action – why are you not doing it now? Will you do it?

The harsh truth is, tomorrow is not guaranteed. 

And tomorrow never comes, anyhow.

All we have is today. 

And today is the first day of the rest of your life. 

How will you choose to be even more you, to live your life even truer to you, today? How will you be even braver today?

Big questions. Big life. 

Have a FAB week!

Carol

 

      2 trains🚊 down, 2 flights ✈ to go, 1 epic experience awaits…

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      I’m pretty sure it hasn’t hit me yet. 

      Luckily I have about 15 hours ahead of me between the two flights and a layover, and so it may begin to at some point in there!

      It’s been a whirlwind the last little while to say the least. Many a tear shed, plenty of laughs shared, and lots of special memories both relived and created. 

      We had a beautiful tribute for my stepmother and our dear Eveline in her family’s quaint home town in northern Germany, and now she is in her final resting place. 

      And may she rest in peace. 

      I’ve wanted to be in the moment, feeling all the feels, and so the fact I’m about to embark on what I’m pretty sure is going to be an epic experience of a lifetime hasn’t quite sunk in yet. 

      It’s been in the works for well over a year. And conversations with my partners in crime for even longer than that. 

      Women Living Big and UGO Travel For Change have joined forces, and 12 brave souls will all be arriving in Arusha, Tanzania over the next 24 hours where we’ll all finally meet in person as a group for the first time. 

      We’ve been on the journey for the past few months together… meeting over zoom calls sharing dreams and fears and lots in between, exchanging equipment lists and packing woes and pictures of ‘she wees,’ and getting to know one another through hilarious what’s app conversations and way too many bitmojis!

      We’re going to be volunteering with the Dare Women’s Association for a week, getting down and dirty and building a fence, and then we will make our way to Mt. Kilimanjaro, attempting to reach the summit. 

      Kinda crazy if I think about it. 

      Kinda crazy to think about all that has transpired over the last few weeks. 

      Welcoming a new baby into the family, having to say goodbye to another member of the family, and a whole lotta miles being flown the process.

      And so if I’m honest, no, I haven’t quite processed it all yet.

      But then again, when life is happening so fast all around you, do you ever actually process in the moment?

      Well, perhaps not. but I’m taking a small moment now to begin to think and reflect. 

      Without getting too philosophical, what is it all about in the end anyhow?

      Well, I’ve realised I couldn’t have gone through what I just did without so many special people in my life. Having my friends and family around for support and to experience it together has meant everything. And sharing special moments, both laughs and tears. And talking about special past experiences, as well as looking forward to more special experiences to come. 

      People. Moments. Experiences. 

      That’s really what makes the world go around. 

      And so as you and I embark on all of the adventures that await us in 2019 – planned or unplanned – may they involve special people, special moments, and special experiences. 

      They make the journey worthwhile, and give life meaning. 

      Short and sweet this week, as I’m getting ready to board!

      Have a FAB week!

      May you enjoy a moment of awe and wonder…

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      Photo by Gareth Harper on Unsplash

      Happy Friday!

      Awe and wonder.

      That is exactly what I felt looking into the cutest, innocent, most precious eyes of baby Harris.

      I’m a proud Auntie once again!

      My Dad and I flew out to Calgary as soon as we caught word things were happening with my sister, landing an hour after the newest member of our family arrived into the world. 

      And he is simply perfect. 

      There is just something about holding and cuddling with a newborn baby…
      The innocence. The softness. The scent.

      I know babies are born every second in every corner in every part of the world, but that doesn’t take away from the miracle that is in each and every birth.

      It is indeed magical and a miracle. 

      And it got me thinking; that is exactly what this time of year is all about. 

      So regardless of what you believe, what you celebrate (or not) I hope you take a moment or two to experience the magic and the miracle of the holiday season.

      Amongst the shopping, the wrapping, the cooking, the baking;
      the entertaining, the decorating and the holiday pie making…

      May you experience a moment of awe and wonder. 

      In fact, may you experience many special moments.

      Adopting from a previous blog I shared around this time of year, instead of 12 days of Christmas, I wish you 12 moments of Christmas:

      May you enjoy a moment of joy. 

      Real joy… when your heart is smiling. When time stops.

      May you enjoy a moment of laughter. 

      Catch yourself next time mid-laughter. Milk it. Indulge in it. Laugh until your cheeks hurt. 

      May you enjoy a moment of gratitude.

      There is always something to be thankful for. Choose one thing you are especially grateful for. Inhale it in.

      May you enjoy a moment of connection.

      Allow yourself to be fully in somebody’s presence. Engage. Really see them, and let them see you.

      May you enjoy a moment of peace.

      Perhaps in silence, perhaps amidst the noise. Take a breath, and be still. If only for a moment.

      May you enjoy a moment of love. 

      Maybe in giving, maybe in receiving. Experience a moment where love exists. Allow it to make your heart sing.

      May you enjoy a moment of fun.

      Whether planned, or unplanned, ensure you bask in a moment of full-on fun. I dare you.  (perhaps you’ll need to borrow your friends’ or sisters’ kids like I did! Nothing is more fun than playtime with Auntie Carol!)

      May you enjoy a moment of reflection. 

      ‘Tis also the time of year to look back on all that has transpired over this past year (or even this past week!) and look forward to all there is to come.

      May you enjoy a moment of excitement.

      Whether experiencing the season through the eyes of a curious child, or putting yourself back there (I still kick my legs under my sheets every Christmas morning in sheer excitement! You’re never too old!), invite yourself to feel what it’s like to get truly excited. 

      May you enjoy a moment of giving.

      It doesn’t have to be all about gifts at this time of year. You can give with your heart through your time, your words, your thoughtful acts, your presence.

      May you enjoy a moment of presence.

      Amidst all that’s going on, take a moment to just be. Notice the world around you, notice your feet planted firmly on the ground, notice your heart pumping. 

      May you enjoy a moment of awe and wonder.

      There really is so much to be in awe and wonder of at this time of year. Whether looking into the eyes of a newborn baby, watching the lights sparkle, or watching the world go by, take a moment to notice and appreciate just how wonderful a feeling awe and wonder is. 

      No need to force any moments… I only encourage you to be open to invite some moments in, and indulge in how they make you feel.

      Nothing to do, simply to be this holiday season. 

      ‘Tis the season for… moments. May you experience lots of special moments, enjoy lots of special moments, make the season count. 

      (And then please share some of these moments in the comments below! I want to share in them with you.) 

      Wishing you and yours an awe and wonder-filled season!