Okay so hereâ€™s the thing. I like saying yes. I like operating from a place of yes, and I enjoy being a yes! However, I also need to realize, as I am sure many of us do, that we donâ€™t always have to say yes all of the time.
Sometimes I say yes because I genuinely want to, sometimes I say yes because the want to please others far outweighs anything else, and sometimes I say yes because I am actually afraid of what I may miss out on by saying no.
I remember when I was living in hip downtown Toronto in my hip downtown condo, Friday meant getting geared up to go out to the newest happening place in town. The coolest new restaurant, the jazzy â€˜inâ€™ lounge, the big pumping club or that exclusive rooftop party. And while there were many evenings when I loved being in the throw of it all (and letâ€™s be honest felt pretty darn cool, too!) some nights I found if I didnâ€™t have something exciting on the agenda, I was missing out. Not only did I feel uncool, but I had a sense of what one of my bestest friends so eloquently coined as FOMO (fear of missing out). And even though I was often quite content staying in on my own â€“ catching up on my fave TV episodes or enjoying dinner and a glass of wine in my own company â€“ I was also afraid of the exciting life no doubt happening all around me which I was missing out on.
And thatâ€™s how I often feel when I say no to something. If I say no to that personâ€™s invitation, I may miss an amazing new connection, conversation, bout of inspiration. If I say no to that event, I may miss an incredible new opportunity. And if I say no to that free webinar or teleclass, goodness only knows what potential transformational nugget of wisdom I could be passing up!
But see, hereâ€™s the reality. I am simply never going to be able to say yes to everything and everyone. I mean okay, technically â€œthere are 24 usable hours in every dayâ€ (fave quote from Empire Records!), but even that is not enough time to do it all. Plus, we all have to cram some sleep time in there somewhere, right?!? But try as I might — at one point this week I was walked in on as I was listening to a live webinar going on, sitting in on a different teleclass, trying to check e-mails, and shoveling in some food at the same time! The look of â€˜You are CRAZY!â€™ was enough for me to realize that although I may have felt I was saying yes to it all, really I wasnâ€™t concentrating enough on any of these activities to reap the full benefits! — itâ€™s never going to work.
One of my esteemed acting teachers once imparted some words of wisdom I will never forget. We had a big show at the time, and needed to be taking care of ourselves, but in the middle of the run there was also a fun celebration of some sort we wanted to attend. â€˜There will always be another party,â€™ she said. And how right she was.
There will always be another party, another dinner invitation, another coffee date, another networking opportunity, another teleclass to attend, another free webinar being offered, another great article to read, another class to take, another you name it.
Saying yes is fun and may make us feel good, but saying no every once in a while â€“ or as often as we need to â€“ is equally as important. And it doesnâ€™t have to have this negative connotation often affiliated with saying â€˜noâ€™, either. Recognizing the need to say no when we need to say no can also be looked at as a â€˜yesâ€™ in a way, a yes to listening to what it is we really need.
(Lots of â€˜noâ€™s and â€˜yesâ€™s in there ~ did that even make sense?!?)
So I challenge us all this week to say yes when we genuinely want to say yes, but to be okay with saying no, too. We need a bit of both in our lives. As my mother used to say, everything in moderation.
Have a FAB week, everyone!p.s. Thank you to all of you who have generously donated either your pennies or your words of inspiration to help me in my quest to run the Edinburgh marathon and raise funds for Breast Cancer Care… itâ€™s happening in 10 days! AHH!! I SO appreciate your support. p.p.s. Please share your thoughts with me in the comments below, Iâ€™d love to hear from you! What are you going to say â€˜noâ€™ to this week?!?